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Say What? + Meeting Men *gasp*

I think this little post of mine will have to be a little double edged (and perhaps a smidgen long winded.)

First:
Say What?

Are you potentially snogging slash shagging British Bee!!! I think I missed some vitally important and enlightening conversation, detailing British Bee came barreling down the international passenger terminal at Heathrow with a bunch of flowers and pralines declaring his undying passion for you that he only discovered when dating your spindly counterpart?

Next:
Meeting Men *gasp*

With the New Year poking its rainy head around the corner, my brain harkens to the thought of New Years Resolutions (NYR) of yore.
I don’t make NYR simply b because I am shit at keeping them. But this year I have some, goals, aspirations if you will.
One; moving into my healthy weight range for my BMI. Fuck, this means I have to lose a staggering 20 KILOS!! I didn’t think I was that fat!!
Two; leave my sad pitiful arse job, even if it is to become a coffee bean slinger or chirpy retail assistant!
Three; meet men. Meet men to date, meet men to drink coffee with, meet men to shag.
*YALP* of course I want to avoid the disgusting pub circuit, I just can’t stand it. HUFF.

Sorry Bees, just as a side note. After seeing the ad on Fug for a bit now, I decided to have a peep at that Pink Peta ad. OH DEAR GOD. After I caught sight of the maggot in the sheep, my tum had enough.
Now it truly is disgusting what some suppliers seem to be doing, but is a website like Fug who deplores all forms of polyester incarnations a fair medium for a Peta ad of its nature?

what to do what to do

I say go for it. You only live once!
I will admit however that it is easy to give such advice when one is in a secure relationship already and halfway across the world to boot.
I think if Next Room Bee is showing signs he is willing you should make a goer of it. Think of the fun "when I was living in London" stories you'll have! Drunken middle of the night pashing (sorry, Snogging) on the living room floor when someone comes in and your bra is on the couch stories!!!
And as for friend who stole him initially's feelings? She didn't consider you then, so I don't think she deserves consideration now.
And that's my two cents.

the plot thickens

Well it seems my receptors are a little more active these days, though after an entire week of effort (his) I have to admit it was getting obvious that Hee was interested in me the same way ...yes.....that way....as I was interested in him for all this time! so yay! but what to do about it?!

My boring suggestion

Hi girls,

Ok, I know this isn't a very exciting suggestion. But I have finally finished cleaning up the apartment at Hornsbee! It looks really nice now... a little bare but once I get my Japanese style table and put my painting up (yet to be painted) it will be looking very homely. If you're interested maybe we could do dinner in Hornsbee and piss up at my place?

Or too boring?

I have way too much to post now so I HAVE to see you guys! (None of it particularly fantastic news but interesting nonetheless).

cock ups

Regarding comment posting balls up, for those of you unawares, that was me. I posted to my friends blog with the wrong blogger name so instead of posting under my normal blog name, I posted under Agent X, which yes, was a bit of a cock up as he would know it was me. I then had to send him an email requesting he not read the blog attached to the account name. Which of course only excited his curiosity more.Bah.

Regarding the Bee-i-faction, I am open, which general area are we headed toward? the boy is having a poker night : )

I wore my Smart Balls all day at work yesterday. Then went home and had very hot sex with the boy. Ooh baby.

Also, Agent Z (?) has broken up with Nice Bee if she'd like to share......?

----hahahaha small addendum here that I was writing this post at work on Friday and my boss walked out and I had to click draft really fast so I didn't lose the whole post!!---

Things are about to get messy!

Excited to hear about HornsBee! Can’t wait to see some photos then!
OK Here’s the amusing story…and anyone who has recently perused the drafts folder may have seen this coming…!I’m going to post in 2 bits so it makes more sense.

Catchup from before…. Since my last post I have been wanting to do a kind of recap about the whole No Lovin thing – I managed to get laid once in the past 6 months and whilst I was excited at the time, and kept telling myself (and anyone else who would listen) that he was soooo hot and boy oh boy was it fun. Like I have said before, premature ejaculation is NOT COOL! I feel bad for a BeeBoy that may have this as a particular problem, nasal spray technology, blah blah blah, but in this case I have begun to suspect it was less of a case of anything physiological, and more of a poor excuse for a wham bam thankyou mam sort of effort. There was a bit of an attempt at finishing me off, but it was ineffectual (largely due to a lack of enthusiasm!) so I faked it because I was getting bored so he’d finish up. Not too much of a problem at the time, in a, well there’s always next time, wait and see sort of way, but when they don’t return your calls later, it’s a bit of a yeah, just because you’re extremely hot, that’s no excuse to be pathetic in the sack! (and have a small penis….)

Another rant I have been trying to get out is that I think there must be some kind of chemical in your brain that is linked to how much sex you are getting and how much you think about it. I have developed this theory from when I realized that I wasn’t getting any, and yet somehow that was all I seemed to think about! ALL DAY! Having trouble concentrating on everyday tasks just because I kept thinking about sex sex sex. For a short while there (and I’m not entirely convinced yet that this theory is disproven!) I thought my own brain had been removed and replaced with that of an 18 year old boy. Or at least sex drive.

I returned to the kingdom of Far Far Away still out of my mind through lack of lovin’. He Sleeps In The Room Next Door Bee returns to the scene and we slip back into the old days, exactly the same as if he’d never kissed then gone out with my best friend then broken her heart-sort of-but she is being a bit dramatic-they were only together a few weeks-but and he found out I’ve been infatuated with him this whole time-and he knows now-and I was all upset over that-and now I’m over it and back to normal.

All thought I was over him hey!.....I was! Until I actually saw him again and realized I was only deluding myself.. d'oh

Pre Chrissy Pre New Year Beeifacation

Since our exclusivity is fairly complete (aside from comment posting balls-up lol) I thought we could maybe open a small forum for our outting on the 22nd.

So essentially I suppose the idea is to go out (after work for some) and get shit faced?
I mean, Trashbag City Central heading westbound.

Next question of course, is WHAT TO DO? Well essentially I don't care, none of us are going to suggest something we'd loathe.


Hmm STILL NO LOVING. Not really that distressed at this point, in all honesty theres too much grooming involoved for my liking (hahaha thinly veiled excuse)
Sir Freaksalot has for the most part slacked off, I was at a party when he called begging me to meet him at the Three Monkeys, I was too shit faced and in Winston Hills to even think about it so said no, then got accused of being a closed or secretive or something.
HUFF.

PS: Agent Z, as a devotee of ludicrously inappropriate snogging I feel your pain.
The thought of having to encounter this indicidual again is enough to make your head fuzzy to let alone KNOWING YOU WILL. ARGH.

Hmmm

Very sorry to hear about Pix there :( hope you are doing ok!

Was going to post and now feel inappropriate, so score one agent x......

bye for now

Sending our love

Sending our love to our beloved Bee who lost Pixi this morning, she may have been run over by a car it may seem.
Hope you're ok sweetie
*big hugs*
xxx

I've lost my mind, obviously

Just an update on the whole office Christmas party fat IT dude snogging business:

Well he sent me an email on Monday (damn that internal directory) apologising for upsetting me on Friday night. As I've discussed with the Agents, you've gotta love the apology email which is basically just another excuse to talk to someone. But hey, guess something had to be said, and it provided a welcome distraction from work, so ok.

Anyway, he invited me to his birthday party on Friday night, which I couldn't go to cos I already told Nice Bee I'd see him on Friday. What's weird is that Fat IT Bee's birthday is one day after Bad Bee's birthday (Bad Bee: 7th December, Fat IT Bee: 8th December). Which, if you're a lame astrology freak like me, explains EVERYTHING!

Sagittarius!!!

Sagittarius + Taurus (+ alcohol) = CRAZYTOWN.

Now it all makes sense.

And I sort of agreed to have lunch with him tomorrow. Which as my sister unkindly pointed out might consist of an entire cow.

I think I need a hobby, other than dysfunctional men. Ideas, anyone?

Office Christmas Party

It's one thing to make polite conversation with Fatty and Spotty from the IT department at the Christmas party.

It's another thing to drunkenly kiss Fatty with Spotty looking on.

Oh, God.

OH GOD OH GOD OH GOD OH GOD

I have to show up there tomorrow.

Like, ok, the thing was, I was really really pissed. So pissed I was dancing to Kylie Minogue. And the whole night I'd had this affinity with Fatty (the new 23 year old software programming guy who just so happens to be disturbingly overweight) due to my newly dyed red hair, cos the dickhead boss had told fatty he couldn't dye his hair either, and he was all "you're my hero" and I was all "yeah man" and we were talking about bands we liked and it was all "me too" even if I don't own a single album from the bands he was talking about, and hey yeah maybe I was being a bit flirty, but like I said I was pissed and when I'm pissed I get flirty and this is where things always seem to go downhill for me. You'd think I'd learn.

Sooo, I get back from dancing to Kylie Minogue and I'm talking to Fatty again and I start moaning on about Nice Bee to him (God knows why- I think he asked me if I had a boyfriend) and I'm all "hey I don't know what to do cos Nice Bee is nice but I'm just not that into him and if I break up with him even though in my book we're not even going out I know he'd be really cut up and then he'd be dumped and with a horrible incurable illness and who wants to do that to someone" and then I think I repeated the "I don't know what to do" bit again because then Fatty said "kiss me" and when someone says that to me and they're an inch away from my face and I've had six champagnes well they could be gollum and I'd be in there with the tongue action what can I say. Fortunately it only lasted maybe a minute (actually... it WAS kinda hot) when Megan jumped to my rescue and pulled me away saying "Lou needs to go to the bathroom now" and I got to the bathroom and realised the magnitude of my mistake and was all "Oh GOD everyone in the entire company is going to know and what's more most people know I sort of have a boyfriend and Oh God I'm such a slag and OH GOD that guy is like REALLY FAT not that there's anything wrong with that or anything but you know" and I had to sneak out without saying goodbye to anyone cos I was too embarrassed.

And I'm totally going to hell cos Nice Bee gave me a lift home all the way from the city and looked after me cos by that stage I was feeling rather ill.

My only consolation is that Bad Bee will definitely be going to hell too so at least we can keep each other company while being tortured with brimstone and pitchforks.

Details!

Talk about a tease! You post about your middle of the night sexy sexness and then go on a tangent about horrible warts - *shudder*. That poor girl. If that happened to me I'd kill myself.

I haven't been 100% truthful about the complete lack of action in my life. Last Friday I went to see Nice Bee, and once we got past the bad kissing things were all right. (I've given up trying to kiss him back. He just overrides my attempts to make the kissing good so now I just stand there with what must look like a distracted grimace on my face quite literally doing nothing while he kisses me... hot! Not.) I'm not sure how many details people want on the whole kinkiness business... so I'll assume not many... but anyway he combined the sex with the kininess to make it halfway decent sex. (As in, lasted approx five minutes - a four minute improvement, and I didn't have to ask him to have sex with me - he took the initiative this time. Thank Christ).

So, pro: Five minutes worth of kinky sex.

Con: His phone rang right at the crucial moment which was really distracting and annoying, and what's worse he was getting me off the next day and the same thing happened again right at the crucial moment.

Bah.

But, can't complain.

(But is this blog really about political correctness? Or is it our blog and I can whinge if I want to?)

Well, maybe I'll unleash a tirade of whinging next post. Right now I'd better get back to work.

middle of the night lovin' and

Well as we're all apparently living vicariously through me, we had awesome middle of the night lovin' last night. While I won't always give you a next day update on our sex life, I wanted to mention this occassion for its general infrequency. Whee!
Now tell me about you!

Agent (i can't remember- Nice Bee Agent) remember how we talked about the balls with the jiggly bits inside? That are for strenthening pelvic floor muscles? What did Nice Bee call them again? There was a name you used? (I usually call mine the jiggly blue balls).

I actually had quite a funny conversation at a party last weekend with some friends about sex toys and one of the girls has a name for her vibrator! She calls it 'sergio' ("Serge-sounds like a detergent") and this girl is in a committed relationship. Interestingly she also confessed to me that she has Genital warts and her boyfriend can't touch her down there at all! The sad part is that it's not simply a moratorium on licking etc, but also on fingers!! And she's had it the whole time they've been together (over a year) so he's never been allowed to get her off with her clit! He must be damn good at sex for them to still be together I reckon (in the satisfaction department). But he is a lovely guy really and very accepting of her warts. It sounded awful though as she said at most she's had about 16 at a time, and at least 4-5. At least she can get rid of it though, its not one where once you have it you're stuck with it. It's just taking a really long time to get rid of.

Shower Lovin'

Apprently we're going to have to rely on Newly Married Agent to live vicariously through, mirror loving, *{tick!}* shower lovin *{tick!}* (I don't think lovin will work in the bath tub... certainly not comfortably), stair lovin *{tick!}* and parhaps once the evenings are warm balcony lovin. {still working on it}

No news is good news

No news is not good news in the land of Shag.
Life is usually fairly rough when you have to be your own Sultan of Twat.
I'm getting a bit huffy actually, but short of going out and having another meaningless loser shag the drought, much like the drought wreaking havoc on our suburnt country, is unlikely to slacken in the future.
Apprently we're going to have to rely on Newly Married Agent to live vicariously through, mirror loving, shower lovin (I don't think lovin will work in the bath tub... certainly not comfortably), stair lovin and parhaps once the evenings are warm balcony lovin.

mirror lovin

Oh that sucks, so Nice Bee remains then I assume? Did it progress furthur? Did you SAY Are we going out?

In other news, I had my first orgasm in the new house. I know I know, but I had weirdness before the holiday and so when we got home I had my "lady business" so it's taken this long to get back in the saddle. And it involved the mirror. Hot.

No Lovin'

I think it's cos you're the only one getting laid!

It's looking like the only way to get decent, reliable sex in this town is to get hitched. Dammit!

Sigh. I half-heartedly tried to suggest to Nice Bee last week that maybe he'd be better off pursuing a different Lady Bee (other than me). To which he started up with "Are you breaking up with me?" To which I was thinking: "Are we going out??"

No lovin' sucks!

Girls girls girls

What's going on! I go away for two and a half weeks and nothing!! I expected to come back and read many posts on varying topics! Instead I get nothing! Pah.
where have you all gone....????

Boy was it good

Weirdly, I had this dream last night that I had super satisfying sex. With someone else. And on this day of all days!
It was hot though... Is this being unfaithful? Dreaming about some mystery dream man and having super hot sex? Or is it simply because I haven't had sex and now that it's so close it's manifesting in my nocturnal brain.....
I had that thing where you wake up and you'd jump anything that was there at the time. Thankfully Pix was in the other room (too far?)

Shagging your ex addendum

11. Don't Buy new toys to use with your ex
12. Don't contemplate using old toys from your ex with any potential new partners. Suck it up and buy new ones. Unless you get off on thinking about when you used said toy with ex.
13. Don't get sucked into lying around and talking about "what are we doing here" THAT'S NOT THE POINT OF EX SEX
14. Don't feel bad about about getting dressed and saying bye.
Ex sex is exactly that. Otherwise it'd be called "the-sex-you-have-with-someone-you-used-to-date-before-you-got-back-together"
15. DON'T LET HIM COME FIRST
DON'T LET HIM COME FIRST
DON'T LET HIM COME FIRST
DON'T LET HIM COME FIRST!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
otherwise you know you'll get left in the cold with no Orgasmy goodness and he'll slap your ass and say "on your way" (cos they know all about ex sex too *gasp!*)

Shagging the Ex - What Not to Do (A Guide)

I notice that the topic of ex-shagging hath been raised. Now, let's be serious for a moment. Shagging the ex is bad. Shagging the ex feels good for the hour or so of shaggage but will ultimately leave you clogged to your eyeballs in emotional baggage. You will also be left with a terrible urge to write awful, awful poetry. Don't do it kids, it's not worth it. Shagging the ex - just say no.

(Why are you still reading? You heard me. Don't. No. Bad. Niet. Tsk.)

(No, I MEAN IT. Go crochet or something. Gardening. Bird watching. There are many great things you can do with your time that don't involve having sex with your ex.)

(BaaaaaAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHH!!!!)

All right! Fine. I'll level with ya. Shagging the ex feels AWESOME. Even if you had average sex during the relationship, let me be the first to tell you that breaking up improves things by about five thousand percent. And yeah, yada yada, there are drawbacks with the whole guilt, emotional manipulation, feelings of cheapness, etc etc, but hey that's the price you pay for one hell of a shag. And maybe you might just write a decent poem out of all the shit ones.

Anyway, the following is a list of things you shouldn't do. Not that I'd know or anything. *cough*

1. Don't shag the ex in your car. (Especially not behind Blacktown Subway)

2. Don't allow your ex to get you off using only your nipple and his tongue piercing.

3. Don't shag your ex to awesome music. (Especially not to 'Amnesiac' by Radiohead or 'Absolution' by Muse)

4. Don't shag your ex while stoned or drunk.

5. Don't let your ex tie you up regardless of how incredibly hot it is.

6. Don't shag your ex in the same month as shagging a different ex.

7. Don't shag your ex while in a relationship with someone else. (Even if the current relationship is about to end anyway)

8. Don't let your ex give you an innocent massage that turns into raunchy sex.

9. Don't write a book about how hot the sex was with your ex.

10. Just... don't. It's... ugh.... mmmmmm..... not worth it.

Excuse me, I suddenly remembered I have an urgent crocheting emergency to attend to...

And I pronounce you, Sir Freaksalot

Oh dear.
I think I’ve struck freak.
Quite similar to striking oil, striking freak comes quite unexpectedly and can leave you in quite a mess.
Pierced/Tattoo guy seems to be becoming a bit freaky. What at first seemed like endearing attentiveness has now seemingly turned into a barrage of text messages aimed like missiles targeting information that I now don’t want to release.
He has a real job, surely he can’t stand about texting me all day, RIGHT?
I have had 56 messages since Wednesday, granted I was txting (encouraging) him for a portion of yesterday but I’ve only sent 14 txts since Sunday – the ration on this is WAY out.
The only question I have is, do I ask him if he’d back off a bit? Or ignore him completly?
Butttt he could have been FUN, with a capital F ME. But he went and ruined it by being all strange and freaky.

Quit yer Cussin, Cussin

Rude rude rude. Though being the pedant I am I feel compelled to point out that if no-one was fucking anyone, there'd be NO FUCKING BLOG! But for the record, I'm Agent V, nice to meet you!

PS While I'm here, can anyone share some 'don't sleep with your Ex Bee' war stories? I know its a bad idea, but it seems somehow very tempting all the same...!

Profanity!

Do I count?
Hahahahahahaha
I love a good cuss word myself. And I don't know about you other agent's, but I didn't realise we were fucking anyone-
"I don't even remember who is fucking who."

Hell No, Motherfuckers

Agent Y! You are damaging my sensitive eyes with your rampant profantiy. Don't you know there are LADIES in here? (Best if you think Little Brittain - 'Laaaadies'!)

I'm just trying to keep an element of class here in IAYB. Cock heads.

Who's who in the zoo

Our little club is so elusive, I don't even remember who is fucking who.

Also, I'm somewhat partial to the odd 'colourful' word, comes from working with tradies all day.
Do those that count mind the occasional cuss word?

Bee they good or bad

Geez, look what I missed!!! Go Agent V!!! I’d like to end the drought also, perhaps I missed my opportunity last night?

Ohh Z. That bee a truly shyte situation in which you are juxtaposed.
To cut a long story short, you’re on a bit of a sticky wicket… how sticky?
Well, we could wax poetic about this topic of what one SHOULD do, but I have in the past noticed that what one SHOULD do and what one DOES frequently do not correlate. So perhaps an observation;

Bad Bee can only be quite rightly named. The only thing we can see about Bad Bee moving himself into the positive column is that he is now disattached himself from bizarro pseudo-relationship (has it occured that this may not be true?).
He does seem to still be an alcoholic, workaholic, megalomaniac with fuckstick attached (but competency to using equipment CANNOT be overlooked.)

Having said this, I am afraid that Nice Bee isn’t the same Good Bee is it? Nice Bee, has a lovely cat and pancake making mother, and knows which way you like your knots tied. But there is also that illness business with which you must contend, which I think is very admirable you should be considering involving yourself.

So far I think Nice Bee is outweighing Bad Bee in good points.

I hate being disappointed. Like everyone, but I think the worst let down to have is when you are cockily expecting something to go REALLY well and it does not. When going down on a guy, I really like to finish the job. Like some sexual accomplishment you can tick off the list, but when the guy just annoyingly refuses to come be it deep inner strenght or whatever, I get dejected and frustrated.

yes yes yes....what you're done already?

And- bummer on the too-excited front. I often recall my encounter with Persian-who-got-offended-when-i-lied-about-my-age when we did it three times and each time lasted all of about 3 minutes before he was done. Yep. Thanks for that buddy. no no, i'm fine....just DANDY! The thing I most recall actully was that I put up with unsatisfying sex three times in an hour. Glutton for punishment.

Irritation

Oh just to clarify, the irritation part is with old boring bee partner. Not with He Who Forgot His Phone. HWFHP encounter left a little to be desired - I'm talking a minor overexcitement - I think the words 'premature ejaculation' are a little harsh in this instance. BUT what I didn't want to say at the time (when he was apologising for 'letting me down') was that I was happy just being all skintouchy against his awesome body etc etc etc. Didn't want to sound too desperate now. I have high hopes for the next encounter, if there is one. Damn well better be or I'll be cutting my losses and running, I reckon. Still, any chance to get up close to that hot body (think of the Policeman Stripper - that's pretty close!) num num ....drool is probably worth my time/dignity........

But I digress. So irritation is an old sigh-able offence, not a new one.

I see your point

Hmm. Dilemma indeed!! I am wavering between saying go with nice bee in hope you can work something out and advising of the lack of excitement being a bit of a sign. Still can't decide sorry so I now see your point. BUT Bad Bee has proven what an arsehole he is once again so I have to say he's not worth your time, despite the mind blowing sex. A good wank is far less taxing than having to deal with a nutcase just to get your rocks off. Frustrating but less destructive methinks.

++ Nice bee has Handcuffs AND pancakes at his disposal.... I reckon you can always attempt to ask the unsexy question, but maybe not right before or after an encounter. I must admit though, when you've gone to the trouble to actually point out what you want done to you, if they didn't take the initiative in the first place its even MORE annoying(think traincrash) to have to endure a hamfisted effort at spontanaeity or feign rough animal desire. So its also worse when you feel mean becuase they're trying!! And we all know how much of a turnoff being irritated is. Well I do anyhow. *sigh*

Gahhh

I maintain Bad Bee is shithead.

Ignore me. Move Along, Move Along, Nothing to See Here.

Poo.

Emailed Bad Bee. Bad Bee in Newcastle so no chance of talking to him in person. He is totally insane. I'm not impressed. Will stick with Nice Bee despite the terrible sex.

Bad Bee vs Nice Bee

There's nothing quite like being rear-ended by someone with no money, insurance, morals or ability to stay sober.
I was just thinking about you this morning actually when that Evanescence song came on the radio "you never call me when you're sober" which I know you highly identify with.
I think you should tell Nice Bee that Bad Bee has come back onto the scene and that you want to see him a bit. Don't tell him you want Bad Bee to fuck you backwards sideways upside down, just tell him that you're still a free agent and that it's not like you promised to be exclusive (did you?).
I also think you should tell Bad Bee to smarten up his attitude becuase you've got options and Nice Bee is treating you properly. Bad Bee needs to work for you, and I think Nice Bee actually helps you a lot in this situation because you don't have to feel like bad Bee is your only option. Even if the sex is terrible with Nice Bee.

Does that all make sense? What does everyone else think?

Help!

Arghhh.

I'm pretty sure all the agents here are familiar with the car accident that is my lovelife but for those of you who need updating, here is the back story:

Ok so for over two years now I've been lusting after this guy who is completely inappropriate but who really spins my wheels. Your classic bad boy. Let's call him Bad Bee.

Now, the major problem with Bad Bee (aside from the fact he's an alcoholic, workaholic, womanising insane person) was that he had this girlfriend with whom he lived and was never going to leave. But that didn't stop him from pursuing me. He would tell me he didn't love her, he didn't like her, he didn't find her attractive, he couldn't talk to her, he didn't find her interesting, he hated her taste in music and he thought she was a bit of a dumb bimbo, and yet he would pay her phone bills, uni bills, rent, etc while she remained convinced that they were going to get married so she could quit working altogether and sponge off him for the rest of her cushy days. Now I didn't lose much sleep over the whole 'him cheating on her' factor, but what really gave me the poos was that he always had to go home to her, I couldn't call him when I wanted and we always had to act like we were doing something wrong. (Which in terms of the sex meant it was always AMAZING). So anyway after two long years off this on again, off again bullshit I had finally had enough and told him to piss off. I listened to The Cure, I cried, I ate noodle sandwiches and I made a concerted effort to Move On. So I did.

Enter: The Nice Guy. Let's call him Nice Bee.

Nice Bee is great. He is considerate, generous, kind, caring. He sent me flowers at work. He gives a great neck rub. His mum likes me and makes me pancakes and smoothies whenever I come over. His cats like me and my cat likes him (and considering my cat is a snooty princess that's saying something). And best of all he's more than happy to tie me up for hours at a time. (Where else will I meet such a lovely guy who also owns real handcuffs??) BUT. I'm just not feeling it. I mean, I like seeing him, I enjoy his company, I particularly enjoy the handcuffs, but on an emotional level - not doing it for me. And even though the BDSM is fantastic, the sex itself is terrible. And by terrible I mean it lasts maybe three minutes or it doesn't happen at all. (You know when you just want them to Stick It In You for crying out loud?? There is no sexy way to request that someone bend you over and have their way with you - they're supposed to take the initiative on that.) And he's a bad kisser. Think, lovey dovey, smoochy smoochy. About as interesting as brushing my teeth. Sigh.

So anyway, I'd decided to overlook the lack of passion with Nice Bee, hoping that it would sort of just happen somewhere down the track. And, I was actually sort of happy. We could talk all night, we could sleep next to each other. It was all feeling ok. Peaceful, you know?

AND THEN.

(Can you see what's coming?)

Phone call. Bad Bee. Bad Bee is drunk. Bad Bee is drunk and SINGLE. Bad Bee is drunk and single and not living with his girlfriend. Bad Bee wants me to know that he loves me, he wants to put his (generously proportioned) cock inside me, he wants to marry me and he wants to have kids with me. (I'm serious! He asked me what we would call our kids! To which I replied: "Football Head 1 and Football Head 2"). I tell Bad Bee that I'd like to see him in daylight and sober to discuss this. Bad Bee mumbles incoherently for a while and then we sort of agree to meet up possibly today.

Second phone call. Nice Bee. Nice Bee and I chatter mindlessly for a while, like we always do. Nice Bee asks me if something is wrong. I mumble something about feeling tired. Nice Bee, ever the gentleman, tells me to get some sleep and that he'll call me the next day.

Third phone call. I call my sister for advice. Sister can only tell me that she's playing The Sims in her underpants and that she doesn't have any advice but that she'd like to know what happens. Sister is amused by my romantic antics. I would be too if it wasn't me.

Anyway. Gaaaah. What do I do? Help me, Agents! I told a lady at my work and she told me to just see both of them. Which I'm actually considering. The only problem is the whole 'guilt' factor. Cos I tend to get strangely guilty about these things.

Ra ra ra. I'm at work and everyone thinks I'm in early to work but in reality I'm blogging, lol.

Do tell do tell

That's fantastic!! Now we need details. Was this after Coffee with He-Who-Forgot-His-Phone?

Shameless excitement sharing

I tried to write something good here but the problem is I don't actually have anything particularly exciting to say. I just got laid for the first time in AGES and wanted to share! (You know how it is in a drought - sometimes you begin to worry it may NEVER RAIN AGAIN)

So. Wooooooooo!
Over and out!

small letter on post titles

I do this all the time!! : ( Wah.
But my addition is
~no talking about work unless you've had a sexy encounter, or you think the banking courier is hitting on you surreptiously. Basically no ranting about how boring our jobs are (we all know already-and others of us have other blogs to rant on)

Listen to the rules and noone gets hurt

Hello Bee-Eaters.

I see Z has asked about 'rules'... now I am opposed to the idea of rules, but anarchy is all fun and games until someone loses an eye so lets call them 'guidelines' and choose to follow them or not.

- This is a pet-peeve of mine, for post titles please start with a Capital letter or I will kill you!
- The idea is to not divulge our true identities, hense the author names, so refrain from using ANY name parhaps a cute euphemism or nicknames if refurring to others.
- No topic shall be taboo, we are grown ups, so lets use big words to flex the grey matter.

Anything else?

Agreement, Etc

Newbeee. Ha. That's as far as the puns go I'm sorry. I'll have to skip straight to buns. He. Didn't say anything about poor use of other literary devices though did I! Haw haw.

But to the Point. I personally think our friend el stripperio is looking with well-concealed amusement at the way centre strip dude suddenly doesn't fit his jeans post show, sans sock-down-pant-itude. Seriously a balled up pair (oh it seems I lied about the puns.... so shoot me!) of knee highs would have certainly held up those jeans to the required height. OR maybe it's a look of disdain at said lack of socks and the subsequnt lack of professionalism that it implies.

To the second point. Hello beemunchers! Not much to report on at the second except a fair excitement at potential second date with nightclub guy, who is thankfully far better looking than he was in my memory, and exceptionally well built. Woo! Stay tuned - I intend to explore the issue further! Any beekeeping rules I need to stick to? Anything too banal, too staid? Lemme have it before I go killing the blog with boring detail otherwise left to a quadruple repeat after too many drinks!!!!

clinical Gstrings

ooh I love the new graphic in the corner!!

hilariously it wasn't until I got to the bit about "writing a book" that I realised that it was Agent Z posting, not Y!!! LOL. You'd think the genital piercing would give it away but no......
I'm totally hearing you on the gentle admonishment from the sex workers at the clinic about unprotected sex. And they gave me chocolate condoms when I went that one time. I SO disagree on the non-seediness. It was seedy central. I expected to see a drugged out pregnant teen in the stairwell! At least if we're talking about the Parra one.

And i reckon the stripper is looking at the other guys jeans and thinking "Is it so hard to do up your pants properly. really. You've done it every day of your life and even button flies are not that time consuming". Or maybe "what are those jeans resting on? The G is on his hips? What, does he have a hard on? Am I really that hot? Oh no wait it's her boobs"

The Sexual Health Clinic is My Friend

Ok so unrelated to everything else but I've been itching (no pun intended) to write this one since word go. So.

There are many reasons why the Sexual Health clinic is my friend:

1. Compared to the sex workers and other assorted degenerates that frequent the clinic my sexual history appears positively chaste.

2. Where else would your doctor have more piercings than you?

3. Where else would your doctor not only tolerate your genital piercing, but compliment you on it?

4. Doctor at clinic finds lime green and purple spotted underpants amusing.

5. It is free and if your vagina has issues they give you free medicine.

6. It has been recently upgraded so is now with added 'non-seedyness'.

I like the Sexual Health clinic for all these reasons and more. But I think what really stole my heart was the following conversation I had last time I was there:

(Doctor has just finished good-naturedly admonishing me on a few (infrequent) occasions where the adequate protection may not have been used.)

Doctor: So what do you do?

Me: I have a boring office job.

Doctor: Do you enjoy it?

Me: Hell no.

Doctor: So what do you want to do?

Me: I'm doing it. I'm writing a book in my spare time.

Doctor: Is it about someone who has unprotected sex?

Me: Actually, it is!

Doctor is amused. Gives me free condoms and sends me on my way.

Like in the magazines

If BeesAgents would care to avert thier eyes upward they shall notice, a random photo taken at the strip show we partook in.

You may not be able to see properly, so I indicated this like they would in the magazines, but the guy on the left is looking sneakily out the corner of his eyes totally checking the other stripper!

More power to him! Maybe he 'forgot the steps.'

Anyway greetings to Agent Z! Now we have a full ships compliment on board, I'm sure we can make our way through to the proper smut lol (no really.)

Go Agent X, getting down on it in the new place. Don't want to see any sneaking about post ceremony!

Hello Agent Z

Just a heads up that the idea is that comments are for visitors, and then we reply to each other via new posts : )
And don't steal my colour fucker.
Hahahah. j/k, not sure are we having different colours?
Agent Y?

Piercings

I will bow down to Agent Z on this issue probably as she's more experienced that I in the land of the piercing. But I'd be freaked out. And if my bf was pierced there or considering having it done I'd be worried about hown often he'd be "out of action". I mean periods are bad enough for making the deed impossible without having issues for the both of you. Oh god, and if you were both "decorated" what if you were both infected!

regarding foreskin, I don't have a problem with it really....skin is skin. It's really more of a cleanliness issue I think. If they're circumcised and still gross well then they need better hygiene!!!

Mirror mirror on the wall, who's the wettest of them all

I can't wait until we can start having sex again. Seriously. is that stating the obvious?
I especially can't wait to have sex in the new house as we have this crazy ass huge mirrored wardrobe that I can tell you is gonna be freakin awesome. I'm excited already.

In Da House

Hehehe

He's peirced, down there

It's your average run of the mill, girl goes to pub, girl enjoys adult libations, girl meets boy, boy is peirced, girl comments on mulitple peircing and tattooing, nice boy eleborates on extent of peircing

Here's me thinking I wouldn't have anything sensationalist to post about!

T'was an evening of no real interest, pub, music, drink - chatting to this boy all inked and perforated.
He showed me all his tats, metal band names, family members, flag and southern cross (you get the idea) then catalogued peircings, three in eyebrows, two ear, tongue and foreskin.

That seems a bit much, I don't even like foreskin. I think men should have evolved past it by now. I mean, our is all tucked in and clean why can't thier's be all neat and stuff...
I only grabbed his number, I didn't take him home or anything but I find the whole thing somewhat intimidating (and intrigueing I will admit) but lets face it I'm probably too lazy to actually call him.

Grand Opening!