Office Christmas Party

It's one thing to make polite conversation with Fatty and Spotty from the IT department at the Christmas party.

It's another thing to drunkenly kiss Fatty with Spotty looking on.

Oh, God.

OH GOD OH GOD OH GOD OH GOD

I have to show up there tomorrow.

Like, ok, the thing was, I was really really pissed. So pissed I was dancing to Kylie Minogue. And the whole night I'd had this affinity with Fatty (the new 23 year old software programming guy who just so happens to be disturbingly overweight) due to my newly dyed red hair, cos the dickhead boss had told fatty he couldn't dye his hair either, and he was all "you're my hero" and I was all "yeah man" and we were talking about bands we liked and it was all "me too" even if I don't own a single album from the bands he was talking about, and hey yeah maybe I was being a bit flirty, but like I said I was pissed and when I'm pissed I get flirty and this is where things always seem to go downhill for me. You'd think I'd learn.

Sooo, I get back from dancing to Kylie Minogue and I'm talking to Fatty again and I start moaning on about Nice Bee to him (God knows why- I think he asked me if I had a boyfriend) and I'm all "hey I don't know what to do cos Nice Bee is nice but I'm just not that into him and if I break up with him even though in my book we're not even going out I know he'd be really cut up and then he'd be dumped and with a horrible incurable illness and who wants to do that to someone" and then I think I repeated the "I don't know what to do" bit again because then Fatty said "kiss me" and when someone says that to me and they're an inch away from my face and I've had six champagnes well they could be gollum and I'd be in there with the tongue action what can I say. Fortunately it only lasted maybe a minute (actually... it WAS kinda hot) when Megan jumped to my rescue and pulled me away saying "Lou needs to go to the bathroom now" and I got to the bathroom and realised the magnitude of my mistake and was all "Oh GOD everyone in the entire company is going to know and what's more most people know I sort of have a boyfriend and Oh God I'm such a slag and OH GOD that guy is like REALLY FAT not that there's anything wrong with that or anything but you know" and I had to sneak out without saying goodbye to anyone cos I was too embarrassed.

And I'm totally going to hell cos Nice Bee gave me a lift home all the way from the city and looked after me cos by that stage I was feeling rather ill.

My only consolation is that Bad Bee will definitely be going to hell too so at least we can keep each other company while being tortured with brimstone and pitchforks.