"CALL ME"

Call me (call me) on the line
Call me, call me any, anytime
Call me
(call me) oh love
When you're ready we can share the wine
Call me
- Blondie 'Call Me'

Well what an fucking uninspiring event.
As we know I went out with Mr. Huge on Saturday night, after a nearly normal date, movie, dinner we then got coffee and a drink - four dates in one?
I think I was cock drunk until Tuesday when he didn't reply to my text message I stopped and read all the markers on the road I'd left my blinkers on to ignore.
Let's review;
The date cramming was strange but I guess you never know what someone new is like, right?
He'd initially proffered me a safe journey home but instead traded it for 'stay at my house & go in the morning'
After said night over, he dropped me off saying 'you have my number'
Possibly the nail in the proverbial coffin but still I was naive enough to hope for the best of someone I have already been issued with command to expect the worst from.

Hense forth self imposed embargo on intimacy has been placed... well lets see

Hear hear with the sleepiness! I have been guilty of this on more occasions than I care to own up to. It also reminded me of a topic I need some advice on! That is, how to recover when you go out on a sexy-limb and embarrass yourself...

Scenario, away on lurvly although freezing weekend away, but guilty of the tourist trap of running about all day trying to squeeze in as many attractions and museums as possible, and of course experience all the attendant fun. We return back to our hotel pad, with our awesomely comfy and large bed, and even a strategically placed large mirror at the foot of the bed. Tired after the long day, I decide that nonetheless, its a holiday dammit and that calls for some hot holiday sex. I sneak off to outfit myself in lacy red with suspenders and stockings and head out of the bathroom feeling damn sexy, and consequently pretty horny too. After a bit of a ta-da! I'm sexy now! entrance, I climb atop the bed only to be greeted by a Half Asleep-Bee and very tired set of eyes looking well, scared to death. I attempt a little playful encouragement only to be met by an apology about being too tired etc etc and much embarrassment for all. I of course run away back to change out of my outfit thoroughly disappointed and throw some PJs on and sneak back to bed for some ..ugghhh...sleep.

This was a little while ago so I can't remember much after that except the rest of the weekend away was a success and much fun was had. The problem now is that I'm a bit too freaked out to go there again and looking at my sexy undies now makes me remember the time and I'm not really up for even making the first move anymore:( So no adventure for me! We've done the sexy undies thing since then, which I am still a big fan of, I just don't trust my judgement unless its REALLY obvious now.....thoughts?

He's leaving on a jet plane, and I packed his bags

In the name of convincing myself I am a cool and understanding top-shelf kind of chick, on friday I helped facilitate my Non-Boyfriend Boyfriend GK Bee contact the school in China he is leaving to work for.
This is tantamount to packing his bags and saying "Goodbye nice guy I like, see you in one year (by which time I probably wont have met anyone anyway!)"
He's set to be gone by next week. NEXT WEEK!! Which leaves me totally emotionally unequipped for his leaving - of course execpt for the tiny fact I knew he was going in the first place.
So where does this all leave me? Well aside from sad because he's gone, angry at myself because I knew he was going - I guess ALSO SINGLE?

GAHHHH

Damn

Well, I had the conversation I'd been avoiding with PVC.

Told him I had been planning to move to Melbourne, but would stay if he wanted me to stay. (Implication: he would quantify what we have as a relationship and things would become more serious - as much as I hate those words).

He said what I'd been dreading he'd say - that things would continue the same way if I chose to stay in Sydney. Which are not bad - but certainly not enough to relocate my 'dreams' for.

I realised later that I chose a bad time to bring this up as I was suffering PMT at the time. I started crying, arggghhhh, I couldn't believe how much of a girl I was being. (You won't commit to me?? Wahahahaha!!!!) He was nice to me, but god it was embarrassing.

Then there was awkwardness - should we keep seeing each other even though I'll be moving away in three months? We didn't really address this so much as have sex. Which was amazing. And yes I know that's really dysfunctional, but I'm comfortable with that.

At the end of it the consensus was yes, we should keep seeing each other, but now I don't know if I can do it.

But the sex...!

Aw, fuck.

Also I know my username has changed - I'm in the process of fiddling with my accounts.

My non boyfriend broke up with me

Well, after having a discussion with a friend on a Saturday's retail therapy trip I came home to a phone call the Central Coast Bee didn't think it was working.

Basically it all seems to have gone pear shaped somewhere in between Sunday to Saturday, when he's decided he didn't want to be an arsehole but its too hard (with him living in the Central Coast, maybe fair enough) and he's been single too long (whatever the fuck that means.)

So I called Agent Z, who was insufferably bubbly due to a short interlude with her favourite homosexual.
'Dating Sucks' we decided, and that after decades of dating people still hadn't managed to come up with anything actually comforting or constructive to say on the point of being dumped (thanks to my mate Jac for that one, geeez!)
Well now I have no date for this wretched wedding, great one of my friends someone to spend thier whole lives with and I can't get past a wedding. DRAT.

I am choosing to be positive, taking comfort in the fact that although he dumped me he wasn't that great a kisser anyway, and that even though he's leaving in a month I'm still dating a bee who shall hense forth be called Great Kisser Bee, haha nuff said.

Bees out

** UPDATE **

Have made up for dumping by going out and having FANTASTIC date & shag with Great Kisser Bee.
Went to lovely Manly for lunch, had a lovely grilled barramundi, chips and salad (salad totally ruined by apperance of bug lodged in salad dressing dispenser, ew) followed by yummy Copenhagen Tropical Passionfruit icecream, wandered along the beach then home for 3 O's.
Ahh I love sundays.

Weird Relationship Limbo

(cat girl)


I think the title says it all. What do you do when for all intents and purposes you are in a relationship... but at the same time you have no idea where you stand with that person, where it's going, what sort of boundaries there are... I mean the reason I've let all this go for so long is because I don't exactly approve of over-labelling everything, but there does come a point where you just want to know if someone is your goddamn boyfriend or not!!

I brought up the concept of me moving to Melbourne with PVC Bee. It went something like:

Me: "Don't suppose you want to move to Melbourne with me?"
Him: "Um... probably not."
Me: "Oh, ok."

Yeah, great discussion. Really constructive and helpful. Pfft.

Not to sound like a whingey pants, cos I do so enjoy the time I spend with PVC, and the sex just gets better... but still I feel that nothing about it is certain, and I'm just so tired of feeling like there's no point in getting close to someone because everything inevitably ends.

I mean, the last time I saw him, he was recovering from the flu. So I made dinner and brought it round and then had to spoon feed him (he wasn't really that sick, just enjoying the attention) and then I stayed the night where we held hands in our sleep... was really beautiful... and then in the morning it's all "see ya".

I'm confused :(

Profile Photos NOT TO PICK

Agent Z asked if I had any joy in the RSVPing department, and while there is some possible potential (even though the whole process still galls me unending) I thought I'd care to share one of the profile photos from my 'interested parties.'
I notice a lot about profile photos, the classic photo is usually some guy who has hacked out his ex missus from the photo leaving behind the telltale shiny-hair-on-shoulder look.

This one is a fucking classic, and I didn't even read the profile past looking at the photo. Lets take a moment;


Point One: Who are you Viviyan? NO. Unless you have stars on your bleach blond head I do not want to see an up yours in sight.
Point Two: Is that a beret? Frank Spencer wore a beret mate, not cool even with you're geetar in the forefront of the shot. Go and write a poem you want to be emo.

Point Three: I think Carmen Electra is hot, it's a toss up who when she and Dave Navarro were married as to who I'd rather be, but is a profile photo a proper medium for expressing this? I think not.

Not to mention I hate this holding camera in bedroom look, and I can't get over the fact he looks twelve.
This is the kind of thing which has stopped me from actually sourcing any kind of decent candidate (what is this recruitment?) because photo aside he's almost ignore my 'ideal guy' thingy, he lives in the city and I said I wanted someone in the west, he's 19 and I said 22 to 29 (not a huge age gap but hey I'm not dating a 30yr old!)...

With some luck I will discover the descendant of a Norse God wandering the sands of Thailand... sigh, or not, whatever.

What's wrong with this picture?

(Not this picture. Nothing wrong with a scantily-clad cat girl.)

I think I've reached the bottom. Today I found myself trawling through the obituaries section of smh.com to try and determine whether a love interest of mine had died. When you find yourself doing this, perhaps it is time to stop and evaluate. One can't help but be reminded of that line from that song:

"Don't be no fool when
Love really don't love you."

This is D-Bee. (Myspace guy, the one with the drug history, the one who caused all that shit with my aunt and her somewhat doubtful choice in father of her child. If anyone is confused, don't worry. I think I'm mostly writing this to myself).

After everything happened with my aunt and uncle, D-Bee sent me an email apologising profusely and saying that he hoped I could forgive him. He said not to worry, he wouldn't be going anywhere. This meant everything to me - to know that even though things were shitty I could at least I could rely on D-Bee to talk to.

This was over two weeks ago.

Since then he hasn't been online at all and hasn't responded to my email that bluntly asked him to let me know "yes" or "no" if we were talking anymore.

I don't have his phone number. I don't know where he lives. I don't know his last name. And yet I spoke with this person about every third night for hours (online) since the beginning of the year. We told each other some big, personal things. I felt, in some strange disconnected way, that I knew him, or at least I knew I wanted to know him. The night that the crap happened with my uncle D-Bee was talking about the possibility of meeting - which was huge for him considering the drug past (and associated complications), etc.

And now he has disappeared off the face of the planet and there's nothing I can do but look through the obituaries. And this is, like, EVERY obituary as I don't have his last name.

Is it too much to ask for my prospective dates to be mentally sound, not addicted to something, in possession of a driver's lisence and ALIVE???

Fucking hell.

p.s. Agent Y please let us know how RSVP goes. (Hopefully well!) I've heard it can work but due to my freak-magnetism I've given up on the internet.

I'll let you know if D-Bee ever turns up again. Preferably not in a body bag.

To Bee or not to Bee

I have a confession.

Bad Bee is Back.

Oh no!

But oh yes.

Don't worry have not shagged him yet. He invited me over for steak dinner so I brought my sister along who is like my chaperone/conscience/contraception. Steak was freaking amazing. Had forgotten how that Bee could cook.

It's like... I always manage to successfully fuck him off... but not quite. It doesn't help that I'm desperately in love with him. No lovin, I'm in the Sahara desert of no lovin, and there he is, my never ending fountain of lovin, but of course a mirage because he's still with his goddamn crack whore of a girlfriend.

That's all, thought I'd share.

Also can't afford to travel this year. Would love to, but am going back to student life. I think I had a good reason why but I can't think of it right now.

Say What? + Meeting Men *gasp*

I think this little post of mine will have to be a little double edged (and perhaps a smidgen long winded.)

First:
Say What?

Are you potentially snogging slash shagging British Bee!!! I think I missed some vitally important and enlightening conversation, detailing British Bee came barreling down the international passenger terminal at Heathrow with a bunch of flowers and pralines declaring his undying passion for you that he only discovered when dating your spindly counterpart?

Next:
Meeting Men *gasp*

With the New Year poking its rainy head around the corner, my brain harkens to the thought of New Years Resolutions (NYR) of yore.
I don’t make NYR simply b because I am shit at keeping them. But this year I have some, goals, aspirations if you will.
One; moving into my healthy weight range for my BMI. Fuck, this means I have to lose a staggering 20 KILOS!! I didn’t think I was that fat!!
Two; leave my sad pitiful arse job, even if it is to become a coffee bean slinger or chirpy retail assistant!
Three; meet men. Meet men to date, meet men to drink coffee with, meet men to shag.
*YALP* of course I want to avoid the disgusting pub circuit, I just can’t stand it. HUFF.

Sorry Bees, just as a side note. After seeing the ad on Fug for a bit now, I decided to have a peep at that Pink Peta ad. OH DEAR GOD. After I caught sight of the maggot in the sheep, my tum had enough.
Now it truly is disgusting what some suppliers seem to be doing, but is a website like Fug who deplores all forms of polyester incarnations a fair medium for a Peta ad of its nature?

what to do what to do

I say go for it. You only live once!
I will admit however that it is easy to give such advice when one is in a secure relationship already and halfway across the world to boot.
I think if Next Room Bee is showing signs he is willing you should make a goer of it. Think of the fun "when I was living in London" stories you'll have! Drunken middle of the night pashing (sorry, Snogging) on the living room floor when someone comes in and your bra is on the couch stories!!!
And as for friend who stole him initially's feelings? She didn't consider you then, so I don't think she deserves consideration now.
And that's my two cents.

the plot thickens

Well it seems my receptors are a little more active these days, though after an entire week of effort (his) I have to admit it was getting obvious that Hee was interested in me the same way ...yes.....that way....as I was interested in him for all this time! so yay! but what to do about it?!

Things are about to get messy!

Excited to hear about HornsBee! Can’t wait to see some photos then!
OK Here’s the amusing story…and anyone who has recently perused the drafts folder may have seen this coming…!I’m going to post in 2 bits so it makes more sense.

Catchup from before…. Since my last post I have been wanting to do a kind of recap about the whole No Lovin thing – I managed to get laid once in the past 6 months and whilst I was excited at the time, and kept telling myself (and anyone else who would listen) that he was soooo hot and boy oh boy was it fun. Like I have said before, premature ejaculation is NOT COOL! I feel bad for a BeeBoy that may have this as a particular problem, nasal spray technology, blah blah blah, but in this case I have begun to suspect it was less of a case of anything physiological, and more of a poor excuse for a wham bam thankyou mam sort of effort. There was a bit of an attempt at finishing me off, but it was ineffectual (largely due to a lack of enthusiasm!) so I faked it because I was getting bored so he’d finish up. Not too much of a problem at the time, in a, well there’s always next time, wait and see sort of way, but when they don’t return your calls later, it’s a bit of a yeah, just because you’re extremely hot, that’s no excuse to be pathetic in the sack! (and have a small penis….)

Another rant I have been trying to get out is that I think there must be some kind of chemical in your brain that is linked to how much sex you are getting and how much you think about it. I have developed this theory from when I realized that I wasn’t getting any, and yet somehow that was all I seemed to think about! ALL DAY! Having trouble concentrating on everyday tasks just because I kept thinking about sex sex sex. For a short while there (and I’m not entirely convinced yet that this theory is disproven!) I thought my own brain had been removed and replaced with that of an 18 year old boy. Or at least sex drive.

I returned to the kingdom of Far Far Away still out of my mind through lack of lovin’. He Sleeps In The Room Next Door Bee returns to the scene and we slip back into the old days, exactly the same as if he’d never kissed then gone out with my best friend then broken her heart-sort of-but she is being a bit dramatic-they were only together a few weeks-but and he found out I’ve been infatuated with him this whole time-and he knows now-and I was all upset over that-and now I’m over it and back to normal.

All thought I was over him hey!.....I was! Until I actually saw him again and realized I was only deluding myself.. d'oh

Office Christmas Party

It's one thing to make polite conversation with Fatty and Spotty from the IT department at the Christmas party.

It's another thing to drunkenly kiss Fatty with Spotty looking on.

Oh, God.

OH GOD OH GOD OH GOD OH GOD

I have to show up there tomorrow.

Like, ok, the thing was, I was really really pissed. So pissed I was dancing to Kylie Minogue. And the whole night I'd had this affinity with Fatty (the new 23 year old software programming guy who just so happens to be disturbingly overweight) due to my newly dyed red hair, cos the dickhead boss had told fatty he couldn't dye his hair either, and he was all "you're my hero" and I was all "yeah man" and we were talking about bands we liked and it was all "me too" even if I don't own a single album from the bands he was talking about, and hey yeah maybe I was being a bit flirty, but like I said I was pissed and when I'm pissed I get flirty and this is where things always seem to go downhill for me. You'd think I'd learn.

Sooo, I get back from dancing to Kylie Minogue and I'm talking to Fatty again and I start moaning on about Nice Bee to him (God knows why- I think he asked me if I had a boyfriend) and I'm all "hey I don't know what to do cos Nice Bee is nice but I'm just not that into him and if I break up with him even though in my book we're not even going out I know he'd be really cut up and then he'd be dumped and with a horrible incurable illness and who wants to do that to someone" and then I think I repeated the "I don't know what to do" bit again because then Fatty said "kiss me" and when someone says that to me and they're an inch away from my face and I've had six champagnes well they could be gollum and I'd be in there with the tongue action what can I say. Fortunately it only lasted maybe a minute (actually... it WAS kinda hot) when Megan jumped to my rescue and pulled me away saying "Lou needs to go to the bathroom now" and I got to the bathroom and realised the magnitude of my mistake and was all "Oh GOD everyone in the entire company is going to know and what's more most people know I sort of have a boyfriend and Oh God I'm such a slag and OH GOD that guy is like REALLY FAT not that there's anything wrong with that or anything but you know" and I had to sneak out without saying goodbye to anyone cos I was too embarrassed.

And I'm totally going to hell cos Nice Bee gave me a lift home all the way from the city and looked after me cos by that stage I was feeling rather ill.

My only consolation is that Bad Bee will definitely be going to hell too so at least we can keep each other company while being tortured with brimstone and pitchforks.

Bee they good or bad

Geez, look what I missed!!! Go Agent V!!! I’d like to end the drought also, perhaps I missed my opportunity last night?

Ohh Z. That bee a truly shyte situation in which you are juxtaposed.
To cut a long story short, you’re on a bit of a sticky wicket… how sticky?
Well, we could wax poetic about this topic of what one SHOULD do, but I have in the past noticed that what one SHOULD do and what one DOES frequently do not correlate. So perhaps an observation;

Bad Bee can only be quite rightly named. The only thing we can see about Bad Bee moving himself into the positive column is that he is now disattached himself from bizarro pseudo-relationship (has it occured that this may not be true?).
He does seem to still be an alcoholic, workaholic, megalomaniac with fuckstick attached (but competency to using equipment CANNOT be overlooked.)

Having said this, I am afraid that Nice Bee isn’t the same Good Bee is it? Nice Bee, has a lovely cat and pancake making mother, and knows which way you like your knots tied. But there is also that illness business with which you must contend, which I think is very admirable you should be considering involving yourself.

So far I think Nice Bee is outweighing Bad Bee in good points.

I hate being disappointed. Like everyone, but I think the worst let down to have is when you are cockily expecting something to go REALLY well and it does not. When going down on a guy, I really like to finish the job. Like some sexual accomplishment you can tick off the list, but when the guy just annoyingly refuses to come be it deep inner strenght or whatever, I get dejected and frustrated.

Irritation

Oh just to clarify, the irritation part is with old boring bee partner. Not with He Who Forgot His Phone. HWFHP encounter left a little to be desired - I'm talking a minor overexcitement - I think the words 'premature ejaculation' are a little harsh in this instance. BUT what I didn't want to say at the time (when he was apologising for 'letting me down') was that I was happy just being all skintouchy against his awesome body etc etc etc. Didn't want to sound too desperate now. I have high hopes for the next encounter, if there is one. Damn well better be or I'll be cutting my losses and running, I reckon. Still, any chance to get up close to that hot body (think of the Policeman Stripper - that's pretty close!) num num ....drool is probably worth my time/dignity........

But I digress. So irritation is an old sigh-able offence, not a new one.

I see your point

Hmm. Dilemma indeed!! I am wavering between saying go with nice bee in hope you can work something out and advising of the lack of excitement being a bit of a sign. Still can't decide sorry so I now see your point. BUT Bad Bee has proven what an arsehole he is once again so I have to say he's not worth your time, despite the mind blowing sex. A good wank is far less taxing than having to deal with a nutcase just to get your rocks off. Frustrating but less destructive methinks.

++ Nice bee has Handcuffs AND pancakes at his disposal.... I reckon you can always attempt to ask the unsexy question, but maybe not right before or after an encounter. I must admit though, when you've gone to the trouble to actually point out what you want done to you, if they didn't take the initiative in the first place its even MORE annoying(think traincrash) to have to endure a hamfisted effort at spontanaeity or feign rough animal desire. So its also worse when you feel mean becuase they're trying!! And we all know how much of a turnoff being irritated is. Well I do anyhow. *sigh*

Gahhh

I maintain Bad Bee is shithead.

Bad Bee vs Nice Bee

There's nothing quite like being rear-ended by someone with no money, insurance, morals or ability to stay sober.
I was just thinking about you this morning actually when that Evanescence song came on the radio "you never call me when you're sober" which I know you highly identify with.
I think you should tell Nice Bee that Bad Bee has come back onto the scene and that you want to see him a bit. Don't tell him you want Bad Bee to fuck you backwards sideways upside down, just tell him that you're still a free agent and that it's not like you promised to be exclusive (did you?).
I also think you should tell Bad Bee to smarten up his attitude becuase you've got options and Nice Bee is treating you properly. Bad Bee needs to work for you, and I think Nice Bee actually helps you a lot in this situation because you don't have to feel like bad Bee is your only option. Even if the sex is terrible with Nice Bee.

Does that all make sense? What does everyone else think?