Shower Lovin'

Apprently we're going to have to rely on Newly Married Agent to live vicariously through, mirror loving, *{tick!}* shower lovin *{tick!}* (I don't think lovin will work in the bath tub... certainly not comfortably), stair lovin *{tick!}* and parhaps once the evenings are warm balcony lovin. {still working on it}

No news is good news

No news is not good news in the land of Shag.
Life is usually fairly rough when you have to be your own Sultan of Twat.
I'm getting a bit huffy actually, but short of going out and having another meaningless loser shag the drought, much like the drought wreaking havoc on our suburnt country, is unlikely to slacken in the future.
Apprently we're going to have to rely on Newly Married Agent to live vicariously through, mirror loving, shower lovin (I don't think lovin will work in the bath tub... certainly not comfortably), stair lovin and parhaps once the evenings are warm balcony lovin.

mirror lovin

Oh that sucks, so Nice Bee remains then I assume? Did it progress furthur? Did you SAY Are we going out?

In other news, I had my first orgasm in the new house. I know I know, but I had weirdness before the holiday and so when we got home I had my "lady business" so it's taken this long to get back in the saddle. And it involved the mirror. Hot.

No Lovin'

I think it's cos you're the only one getting laid!

It's looking like the only way to get decent, reliable sex in this town is to get hitched. Dammit!

Sigh. I half-heartedly tried to suggest to Nice Bee last week that maybe he'd be better off pursuing a different Lady Bee (other than me). To which he started up with "Are you breaking up with me?" To which I was thinking: "Are we going out??"

No lovin' sucks!

Girls girls girls

What's going on! I go away for two and a half weeks and nothing!! I expected to come back and read many posts on varying topics! Instead I get nothing! Pah.
where have you all gone....????

Boy was it good

Weirdly, I had this dream last night that I had super satisfying sex. With someone else. And on this day of all days!
It was hot though... Is this being unfaithful? Dreaming about some mystery dream man and having super hot sex? Or is it simply because I haven't had sex and now that it's so close it's manifesting in my nocturnal brain.....
I had that thing where you wake up and you'd jump anything that was there at the time. Thankfully Pix was in the other room (too far?)

Shagging your ex addendum

11. Don't Buy new toys to use with your ex
12. Don't contemplate using old toys from your ex with any potential new partners. Suck it up and buy new ones. Unless you get off on thinking about when you used said toy with ex.
13. Don't get sucked into lying around and talking about "what are we doing here" THAT'S NOT THE POINT OF EX SEX
14. Don't feel bad about about getting dressed and saying bye.
Ex sex is exactly that. Otherwise it'd be called "the-sex-you-have-with-someone-you-used-to-date-before-you-got-back-together"
15. DON'T LET HIM COME FIRST
DON'T LET HIM COME FIRST
DON'T LET HIM COME FIRST
DON'T LET HIM COME FIRST!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
otherwise you know you'll get left in the cold with no Orgasmy goodness and he'll slap your ass and say "on your way" (cos they know all about ex sex too *gasp!*)

Shagging the Ex - What Not to Do (A Guide)

I notice that the topic of ex-shagging hath been raised. Now, let's be serious for a moment. Shagging the ex is bad. Shagging the ex feels good for the hour or so of shaggage but will ultimately leave you clogged to your eyeballs in emotional baggage. You will also be left with a terrible urge to write awful, awful poetry. Don't do it kids, it's not worth it. Shagging the ex - just say no.

(Why are you still reading? You heard me. Don't. No. Bad. Niet. Tsk.)

(No, I MEAN IT. Go crochet or something. Gardening. Bird watching. There are many great things you can do with your time that don't involve having sex with your ex.)

(BaaaaaAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHH!!!!)

All right! Fine. I'll level with ya. Shagging the ex feels AWESOME. Even if you had average sex during the relationship, let me be the first to tell you that breaking up improves things by about five thousand percent. And yeah, yada yada, there are drawbacks with the whole guilt, emotional manipulation, feelings of cheapness, etc etc, but hey that's the price you pay for one hell of a shag. And maybe you might just write a decent poem out of all the shit ones.

Anyway, the following is a list of things you shouldn't do. Not that I'd know or anything. *cough*

1. Don't shag the ex in your car. (Especially not behind Blacktown Subway)

2. Don't allow your ex to get you off using only your nipple and his tongue piercing.

3. Don't shag your ex to awesome music. (Especially not to 'Amnesiac' by Radiohead or 'Absolution' by Muse)

4. Don't shag your ex while stoned or drunk.

5. Don't let your ex tie you up regardless of how incredibly hot it is.

6. Don't shag your ex in the same month as shagging a different ex.

7. Don't shag your ex while in a relationship with someone else. (Even if the current relationship is about to end anyway)

8. Don't let your ex give you an innocent massage that turns into raunchy sex.

9. Don't write a book about how hot the sex was with your ex.

10. Just... don't. It's... ugh.... mmmmmm..... not worth it.

Excuse me, I suddenly remembered I have an urgent crocheting emergency to attend to...

And I pronounce you, Sir Freaksalot

Oh dear.
I think I’ve struck freak.
Quite similar to striking oil, striking freak comes quite unexpectedly and can leave you in quite a mess.
Pierced/Tattoo guy seems to be becoming a bit freaky. What at first seemed like endearing attentiveness has now seemingly turned into a barrage of text messages aimed like missiles targeting information that I now don’t want to release.
He has a real job, surely he can’t stand about texting me all day, RIGHT?
I have had 56 messages since Wednesday, granted I was txting (encouraging) him for a portion of yesterday but I’ve only sent 14 txts since Sunday – the ration on this is WAY out.
The only question I have is, do I ask him if he’d back off a bit? Or ignore him completly?
Butttt he could have been FUN, with a capital F ME. But he went and ruined it by being all strange and freaky.

Quit yer Cussin, Cussin

Rude rude rude. Though being the pedant I am I feel compelled to point out that if no-one was fucking anyone, there'd be NO FUCKING BLOG! But for the record, I'm Agent V, nice to meet you!

PS While I'm here, can anyone share some 'don't sleep with your Ex Bee' war stories? I know its a bad idea, but it seems somehow very tempting all the same...!

Profanity!

Do I count?
Hahahahahahaha
I love a good cuss word myself. And I don't know about you other agent's, but I didn't realise we were fucking anyone-
"I don't even remember who is fucking who."

Hell No, Motherfuckers

Agent Y! You are damaging my sensitive eyes with your rampant profantiy. Don't you know there are LADIES in here? (Best if you think Little Brittain - 'Laaaadies'!)

I'm just trying to keep an element of class here in IAYB. Cock heads.

Who's who in the zoo

Our little club is so elusive, I don't even remember who is fucking who.

Also, I'm somewhat partial to the odd 'colourful' word, comes from working with tradies all day.
Do those that count mind the occasional cuss word?

Bee they good or bad

Geez, look what I missed!!! Go Agent V!!! I’d like to end the drought also, perhaps I missed my opportunity last night?

Ohh Z. That bee a truly shyte situation in which you are juxtaposed.
To cut a long story short, you’re on a bit of a sticky wicket… how sticky?
Well, we could wax poetic about this topic of what one SHOULD do, but I have in the past noticed that what one SHOULD do and what one DOES frequently do not correlate. So perhaps an observation;

Bad Bee can only be quite rightly named. The only thing we can see about Bad Bee moving himself into the positive column is that he is now disattached himself from bizarro pseudo-relationship (has it occured that this may not be true?).
He does seem to still be an alcoholic, workaholic, megalomaniac with fuckstick attached (but competency to using equipment CANNOT be overlooked.)

Having said this, I am afraid that Nice Bee isn’t the same Good Bee is it? Nice Bee, has a lovely cat and pancake making mother, and knows which way you like your knots tied. But there is also that illness business with which you must contend, which I think is very admirable you should be considering involving yourself.

So far I think Nice Bee is outweighing Bad Bee in good points.

I hate being disappointed. Like everyone, but I think the worst let down to have is when you are cockily expecting something to go REALLY well and it does not. When going down on a guy, I really like to finish the job. Like some sexual accomplishment you can tick off the list, but when the guy just annoyingly refuses to come be it deep inner strenght or whatever, I get dejected and frustrated.

yes yes yes....what you're done already?

And- bummer on the too-excited front. I often recall my encounter with Persian-who-got-offended-when-i-lied-about-my-age when we did it three times and each time lasted all of about 3 minutes before he was done. Yep. Thanks for that buddy. no no, i'm fine....just DANDY! The thing I most recall actully was that I put up with unsatisfying sex three times in an hour. Glutton for punishment.

Irritation

Oh just to clarify, the irritation part is with old boring bee partner. Not with He Who Forgot His Phone. HWFHP encounter left a little to be desired - I'm talking a minor overexcitement - I think the words 'premature ejaculation' are a little harsh in this instance. BUT what I didn't want to say at the time (when he was apologising for 'letting me down') was that I was happy just being all skintouchy against his awesome body etc etc etc. Didn't want to sound too desperate now. I have high hopes for the next encounter, if there is one. Damn well better be or I'll be cutting my losses and running, I reckon. Still, any chance to get up close to that hot body (think of the Policeman Stripper - that's pretty close!) num num ....drool is probably worth my time/dignity........

But I digress. So irritation is an old sigh-able offence, not a new one.

I see your point

Hmm. Dilemma indeed!! I am wavering between saying go with nice bee in hope you can work something out and advising of the lack of excitement being a bit of a sign. Still can't decide sorry so I now see your point. BUT Bad Bee has proven what an arsehole he is once again so I have to say he's not worth your time, despite the mind blowing sex. A good wank is far less taxing than having to deal with a nutcase just to get your rocks off. Frustrating but less destructive methinks.

++ Nice bee has Handcuffs AND pancakes at his disposal.... I reckon you can always attempt to ask the unsexy question, but maybe not right before or after an encounter. I must admit though, when you've gone to the trouble to actually point out what you want done to you, if they didn't take the initiative in the first place its even MORE annoying(think traincrash) to have to endure a hamfisted effort at spontanaeity or feign rough animal desire. So its also worse when you feel mean becuase they're trying!! And we all know how much of a turnoff being irritated is. Well I do anyhow. *sigh*

Gahhh

I maintain Bad Bee is shithead.

Ignore me. Move Along, Move Along, Nothing to See Here.

Poo.

Emailed Bad Bee. Bad Bee in Newcastle so no chance of talking to him in person. He is totally insane. I'm not impressed. Will stick with Nice Bee despite the terrible sex.

Bad Bee vs Nice Bee

There's nothing quite like being rear-ended by someone with no money, insurance, morals or ability to stay sober.
I was just thinking about you this morning actually when that Evanescence song came on the radio "you never call me when you're sober" which I know you highly identify with.
I think you should tell Nice Bee that Bad Bee has come back onto the scene and that you want to see him a bit. Don't tell him you want Bad Bee to fuck you backwards sideways upside down, just tell him that you're still a free agent and that it's not like you promised to be exclusive (did you?).
I also think you should tell Bad Bee to smarten up his attitude becuase you've got options and Nice Bee is treating you properly. Bad Bee needs to work for you, and I think Nice Bee actually helps you a lot in this situation because you don't have to feel like bad Bee is your only option. Even if the sex is terrible with Nice Bee.

Does that all make sense? What does everyone else think?