Well, I've had a lot of underwhelming and emotionally draining New Year's - and last night was no exception. Explaining the context of the whole thing is going to be tricky, so I have decided to present in play format:
"Oh, What a (Crappy) Night"
Cast of Characters:
BillyLou
PVC
Ms Cheeky (friend of BL)
Ms Purple Cats (friend of BL)
Ms Gender Studies (friend of PVC)
Ms Gender Studies' Boyfriend (friend of PVC)
PVC's X (who is quite lovely, and hangs out with us sometimes even tho that's a bit weird)
PVC's X's X (the ex boyfriend of PVC's ex girlfriend)
Ms Random Slut Bag (Who No One Invited Anyway)
Weird Boyfriend of Random Slut Bag
Weird Ex Boyfriend of Random Slut Bag
Setting:
Glebe Park
Scene 1:
After spending a nice afternoon in park getting slowly drunker, everyone gets their glow sticks, light sabres and plastic bottles of vodka ready for countdown. When it gets to midnight, fireworks are watched, vodka is skulled and BillyLou is grabbed by PVC and snogged violently. BillyLou's friends and PVC's friends have merged nicely and everyone is getting along. Only Ms Purple Cats is upset, because her boyfriend disappeared at midnight to go and talk to this girl who he is "only friends" with, leaving Purple Cats alone and annoyed. This sets the general tone of upset-ness that will continue through the rest of the evening.
BillyLou's friends have a scheduled 'chillax' party to go to at Ms Cheeky's house in Glebe. PVC's friends are kicking on in park, so we must say goodbye to them before we leave. PVC is saying extended goodbye to Gender Studies' Boyfriend, while I chat awkwardly with the outrageously drunk Gender Studies.
Gender Studies: "Have a really, really good 2008. I mean, I really, really mean it. Have a really, really, really good new year." (Gender Studies is embracing BL intimately.)
BillyLou: "Um, thanks! You too."
Gender Studies: "No, I really mean it. I want you to have a wonderful 2008."
BL: "Um, cool! Thanks again!"
Gender Studies: "I'm so drunk. We should kiss."
PVC: (Noticing the clinch) "Yeah, you guys should totally kiss."
BL: "Um... isn't that your boyfri...." Gender Studies pounces upon BL and kisses her smack on the lips. BL feels very awkward. Gender Studies is not unattractive, but her boyfriend is standing right there, and doesn't look quite so enthused as PVC does. Finally, BL wriggles out of kiss, and makes lame awkward jokey chit chat.
BL: (to PVC) "Um, honey, isn't it time we were heading off?"
PVC: "Oh, no. There's no hurry." BL notices that all of PVC's friends are now staring at BL and Gender Studies.
Gender Studies: (advancing towards BL again) "Have a really, really great..."
BL: (to PVC) "Honey! I think we really should go now. It's getting late!"
PVC: (reluctantly) "Oh, I guess so." PVC finally bids goodbye to Gender Studies' somewhat sour-looking Boyfriend, and finally we are able to walk away. Last I saw of Gender Studies she was walking woozily towards another lone female in the group, arms outstretched.
Scene 2:
Everyone is on a beanbag or futon at Cheeky's house in Glebe. All the ingredients are there for good time, but as mentioned that vibe of tension still prevails. Does not help that these weird random guests have seemingly invited themselves. Random guests include Random Slut Bag and her entourage of weird boyfriends and ex boyfriends. Random Slut Bag is really annoying. She has colourful hair and hippy clothing, but is one of those people who is trying really hard to be alternative to disguise the fact she has no personality, other than annoying. She keeps diverting the conversation (loudly) back to herself, inflicting us with stories about her depression, her (numerous) suicide attempts, her alcoholism, her restrictive Catholic upbringing, her violent fits of rage and her nymphomania. She flounces around room and bats her overly glittery eyes at any one who is male. At one point she makes out with her ex-boyfriend, while her current boyfriend sat at the other end of the room and looked morose. She keeps trying to flirt with and install herself next to PVC, which everyone else is trying really hard to prevent.
At this point, Purple Cats gets into a shit with everyone and pretty much storms off. Just as Purple Cats is leaving, PVC's X's X walks into the room. PVC's X's X sees PVC's X and plonks himself opposite her, so her can make her uncomfortable all night. PVC is livid, as PVC strongly dislikes his X's X, and thinks he should leave immediately. PVC's X assures him that she is ok, and everyone in the room looks on as the awkwardness unfolds. Even Random Slut Bag is momentarily quiet.
Finally, PVC's X's X seems to get the hint that he is not welcome, and after what feels like hours he finally leaves. Everyone is starting to settle down, and there is still a glimmer of hope that good times could potentially be had.
Having drunk about 80 litres of water to compensate for the zillion drinks she has consumed, BillyLou decides to get up and venture downstairs to the toilet, leaving PVC unsupervised on futon.
You can probably see where this is going, but anyway...
When BillyLou returns she finds Random Slut Bag draped all over PVC. They are not kissing or anything, but Slut Bag gives BillyLou the most victorious look of spiteful glee (BillyLou has not been overly polite to Slut Bag during the night) that BillyLou wants to kick her several times in the head. BillyLou resists urge to make giant scene (she is pretty shocked, actually) so she decides to go outside into the fresh air.
BillyLou goes for walk. Cheeky follows after her, and is supportive while BillyLou has small tantrum about how much of a stupid whore Slut Bag is.
When BillyLou returns she finds PVC is looking for her. PVC is apologetic. Is it lovely, and despite Slut Bag's energetic attempts, relationship between PVC and BL comes out stronger. PVC cheers BL up by wearing knitted hat with pom poms and singing to her.
PVC drives his X home (I really quite like his X, so this is ok) and then PVC and BL crash at his place at about 4am.
The End.
Postscript: BL and PVC have beautiful sex several times on New Year's Day. Awesome.
Jan 1, 2008
My Somewhat Horrendous NYE
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11 comments:
Drama! Glad to hear you had a sexy recovery!
I laughed out loud at the description of Random Slut Bag. As I read line after line I realising she could well be a certain someone I know!! Due to being in different countries I can say they aren't the one person, so I was going to suggest that we introduce them but I think that the world might implode, or somesuch end of world occurance!
OHHHH the myriad of people who converge together for house parties and the like are usually destined for some variety of awkward moment.
This is a pretty good example BL, what I want to know is how randoms migrate to what could be a very pleasant and fruitful little gathering?
Drat the randoms!
I dare not comment on the inappropriateness of the whole plastered female kissing you incident LOL.
I had a fairly good evening too actually, I eschewed the botheration of schlepping into the city with heels and we stayed close at a house party of my friends. It was all very fun, little ankle bitters running around (me having somewhat of a maternal moment) many adult libations and red hot chili peppers playing in the background.
After all the whipper-snappers had finally fallen asleep the party really kick started and more booze proceeded.
I find myself talking to normal average looking Joe type in the driveway, pleasant enough and we are exchange witticisms about mobile phone technology – oh yes and I am drunk.
Eventually normal Joe’s fiancé walks over. Great. I am at a party of married people.
Long story short I manage to chat with all the boys and feed them vodka shots until get a kiss and telephone number from single, tall (very tall!) and muscular single man!
When I tell my friend I collected his number she said be careful because apprently he's a it of a slut... LOL good start?
Haha, yes 'Slut Bag' actually reminded me very much of another girl who tried the exact same thing with my high school boyfriend about six years ago. It's a definite 'type' of person, and my solution is that all the Slut Bags of the world be rounded up, put into a giant prison and forced to listen to each other until they all either kill themselves or each other (whatever happens first).
Damn the randoms! Damn them!
And Agent Y - hahaha: "I am drunk". Sounds like you had a good time despite social faux pas in chatting up an engaged man while his fiance was around (what's with all the married people... apart from Agent X who we love). Have fun with tall man, and hey I've never held sluttiness against a potential date... practice makes perfect or something like that :p
Yes Slut Bag Penitentiary
I didn't know he was like attached... is that better?
Totally better! Plus he was flirting back so that makes him an evil, evil man!
And yes, I think Slut Bags should be inflicted upon each other, though I think they have a show on TV already where they do that?
BL who is Slut Bag you are referring to that attempted hitting on Recently-Engaged-NowBaptist-Repressed-Boy????
I am intrigued!!!
And just from the cast of characters I knew this would be a doozy
Yes, Slut Bag reminds me of the girl who cracked onto Baptist Bee. The simularity is uncanny!
In an update to this story, Cheeky confronted Slut Bag about her poor behaviour, and Slug Bad was all "I thought he was gay!".
Vapid. gaaah.
yes but WHO is the original Slut Bag???
Oh my God I just realised I called her "Slug Bad" in the last comment.
AHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA
What an awesome typo. Anyway the original was a friend of my sister's from high school. And she kept hanging around my life like a bad smell - to the point of attending the same uni as me. Gah!
Oh yes I remember her now!
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