Shower Lovin'

Apprently we're going to have to rely on Newly Married Agent to live vicariously through, mirror loving, *{tick!}* shower lovin *{tick!}* (I don't think lovin will work in the bath tub... certainly not comfortably), stair lovin *{tick!}* and parhaps once the evenings are warm balcony lovin. {still working on it}

No news is good news

No news is not good news in the land of Shag.
Life is usually fairly rough when you have to be your own Sultan of Twat.
I'm getting a bit huffy actually, but short of going out and having another meaningless loser shag the drought, much like the drought wreaking havoc on our suburnt country, is unlikely to slacken in the future.
Apprently we're going to have to rely on Newly Married Agent to live vicariously through, mirror loving, shower lovin (I don't think lovin will work in the bath tub... certainly not comfortably), stair lovin and parhaps once the evenings are warm balcony lovin.

mirror lovin

Oh that sucks, so Nice Bee remains then I assume? Did it progress furthur? Did you SAY Are we going out?

In other news, I had my first orgasm in the new house. I know I know, but I had weirdness before the holiday and so when we got home I had my "lady business" so it's taken this long to get back in the saddle. And it involved the mirror. Hot.

No Lovin'

I think it's cos you're the only one getting laid!

It's looking like the only way to get decent, reliable sex in this town is to get hitched. Dammit!

Sigh. I half-heartedly tried to suggest to Nice Bee last week that maybe he'd be better off pursuing a different Lady Bee (other than me). To which he started up with "Are you breaking up with me?" To which I was thinking: "Are we going out??"

No lovin' sucks!

Girls girls girls

What's going on! I go away for two and a half weeks and nothing!! I expected to come back and read many posts on varying topics! Instead I get nothing! Pah.
where have you all gone....????

Boy was it good

Weirdly, I had this dream last night that I had super satisfying sex. With someone else. And on this day of all days!
It was hot though... Is this being unfaithful? Dreaming about some mystery dream man and having super hot sex? Or is it simply because I haven't had sex and now that it's so close it's manifesting in my nocturnal brain.....
I had that thing where you wake up and you'd jump anything that was there at the time. Thankfully Pix was in the other room (too far?)

Shagging your ex addendum

11. Don't Buy new toys to use with your ex
12. Don't contemplate using old toys from your ex with any potential new partners. Suck it up and buy new ones. Unless you get off on thinking about when you used said toy with ex.
13. Don't get sucked into lying around and talking about "what are we doing here" THAT'S NOT THE POINT OF EX SEX
14. Don't feel bad about about getting dressed and saying bye.
Ex sex is exactly that. Otherwise it'd be called "the-sex-you-have-with-someone-you-used-to-date-before-you-got-back-together"
15. DON'T LET HIM COME FIRST
DON'T LET HIM COME FIRST
DON'T LET HIM COME FIRST
DON'T LET HIM COME FIRST!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
otherwise you know you'll get left in the cold with no Orgasmy goodness and he'll slap your ass and say "on your way" (cos they know all about ex sex too *gasp!*)

Shagging the Ex - What Not to Do (A Guide)

I notice that the topic of ex-shagging hath been raised. Now, let's be serious for a moment. Shagging the ex is bad. Shagging the ex feels good for the hour or so of shaggage but will ultimately leave you clogged to your eyeballs in emotional baggage. You will also be left with a terrible urge to write awful, awful poetry. Don't do it kids, it's not worth it. Shagging the ex - just say no.

(Why are you still reading? You heard me. Don't. No. Bad. Niet. Tsk.)

(No, I MEAN IT. Go crochet or something. Gardening. Bird watching. There are many great things you can do with your time that don't involve having sex with your ex.)

(BaaaaaAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHH!!!!)

All right! Fine. I'll level with ya. Shagging the ex feels AWESOME. Even if you had average sex during the relationship, let me be the first to tell you that breaking up improves things by about five thousand percent. And yeah, yada yada, there are drawbacks with the whole guilt, emotional manipulation, feelings of cheapness, etc etc, but hey that's the price you pay for one hell of a shag. And maybe you might just write a decent poem out of all the shit ones.

Anyway, the following is a list of things you shouldn't do. Not that I'd know or anything. *cough*

1. Don't shag the ex in your car. (Especially not behind Blacktown Subway)

2. Don't allow your ex to get you off using only your nipple and his tongue piercing.

3. Don't shag your ex to awesome music. (Especially not to 'Amnesiac' by Radiohead or 'Absolution' by Muse)

4. Don't shag your ex while stoned or drunk.

5. Don't let your ex tie you up regardless of how incredibly hot it is.

6. Don't shag your ex in the same month as shagging a different ex.

7. Don't shag your ex while in a relationship with someone else. (Even if the current relationship is about to end anyway)

8. Don't let your ex give you an innocent massage that turns into raunchy sex.

9. Don't write a book about how hot the sex was with your ex.

10. Just... don't. It's... ugh.... mmmmmm..... not worth it.

Excuse me, I suddenly remembered I have an urgent crocheting emergency to attend to...

And I pronounce you, Sir Freaksalot

Oh dear.
I think I’ve struck freak.
Quite similar to striking oil, striking freak comes quite unexpectedly and can leave you in quite a mess.
Pierced/Tattoo guy seems to be becoming a bit freaky. What at first seemed like endearing attentiveness has now seemingly turned into a barrage of text messages aimed like missiles targeting information that I now don’t want to release.
He has a real job, surely he can’t stand about texting me all day, RIGHT?
I have had 56 messages since Wednesday, granted I was txting (encouraging) him for a portion of yesterday but I’ve only sent 14 txts since Sunday – the ration on this is WAY out.
The only question I have is, do I ask him if he’d back off a bit? Or ignore him completly?
Butttt he could have been FUN, with a capital F ME. But he went and ruined it by being all strange and freaky.

Quit yer Cussin, Cussin

Rude rude rude. Though being the pedant I am I feel compelled to point out that if no-one was fucking anyone, there'd be NO FUCKING BLOG! But for the record, I'm Agent V, nice to meet you!

PS While I'm here, can anyone share some 'don't sleep with your Ex Bee' war stories? I know its a bad idea, but it seems somehow very tempting all the same...!