Profile Photos NOT TO PICK

Agent Z asked if I had any joy in the RSVPing department, and while there is some possible potential (even though the whole process still galls me unending) I thought I'd care to share one of the profile photos from my 'interested parties.'
I notice a lot about profile photos, the classic photo is usually some guy who has hacked out his ex missus from the photo leaving behind the telltale shiny-hair-on-shoulder look.

This one is a fucking classic, and I didn't even read the profile past looking at the photo. Lets take a moment;


Point One: Who are you Viviyan? NO. Unless you have stars on your bleach blond head I do not want to see an up yours in sight.
Point Two: Is that a beret? Frank Spencer wore a beret mate, not cool even with you're geetar in the forefront of the shot. Go and write a poem you want to be emo.

Point Three: I think Carmen Electra is hot, it's a toss up who when she and Dave Navarro were married as to who I'd rather be, but is a profile photo a proper medium for expressing this? I think not.

Not to mention I hate this holding camera in bedroom look, and I can't get over the fact he looks twelve.
This is the kind of thing which has stopped me from actually sourcing any kind of decent candidate (what is this recruitment?) because photo aside he's almost ignore my 'ideal guy' thingy, he lives in the city and I said I wanted someone in the west, he's 19 and I said 22 to 29 (not a huge age gap but hey I'm not dating a 30yr old!)...

With some luck I will discover the descendant of a Norse God wandering the sands of Thailand... sigh, or not, whatever.

There is a God

I shagged someone this week. And they weren't female, dead, an ex, or currently in a relationship. And it was awesome.

This is a miracle!! That is the only explanation for this. I'm just about to ring the Pope so I can officially lodge my miracle and have the person who facilitated this made into a Saint.

Who is this mystery Bee??

I met him at a dinner last week. It was a dinner in Newtown for people of shared interests (happens every month - I'm on a mailing list for people under 30 with said interests) and I got his number then. He's tall, thin, blond, blue eyes, 27 years old. Anyway there was little text action over the week and I started to lose hope. Then all of a sudden, after a flitatious text conversation on Wed night, we decided to meet after work on Thurs and go shopping on Oxford st. For, er, clothes. Then we went back to his house in Stanmore for, er, dinner.

Anyway, it was kinda magic.

We went to Hellfire on Friday night as originally planned (with the under 30's group that we've made friends with) but it was kinda... not as fun as being alone with him. Fun, but yeah. Anyway we went back to his house where I stayed the night.

Got home this morning. It's all so surreal.

Anyway I don't know if it's going to go anywhere. I'm now in that paranoid 'oh God what if he never calls again' frame of mind. But, I think it's safe to say I'll see him again.

And if not - well I'm still happy. Cos man, I really needed that :p

Bees out.

Cannot Cope

I am in over my head.

I've now been an RSVP member for a week, if it were AA I'd get my seven day chip.
I've had 138 kisses, emails and chat requests. I am not that interesting surely, I can't be!

I can't be sure whos true potential because I've got so many fucking things to reply to. I've even limited my inbox to only recieved ten a day.
Its like defcom five, I've gotta get in all my replies before the enemy attacks with another round.

Haha something funny did happen, I gave a Bee my email address and he sent an email saying 'my name nice girl' hahaha,I thought... well thats weird. Then sent another email explaining he was going to email me from work.
Apprently Im a nice girl.

Well Agent Z I don't think it's too much to ask to see if your Bee is still in the land of the living. But of course having said that, if he doesn't have the consideration to reply fuck him.
Fuck em all.

What's wrong with this picture?

(Not this picture. Nothing wrong with a scantily-clad cat girl.)

I think I've reached the bottom. Today I found myself trawling through the obituaries section of smh.com to try and determine whether a love interest of mine had died. When you find yourself doing this, perhaps it is time to stop and evaluate. One can't help but be reminded of that line from that song:

"Don't be no fool when
Love really don't love you."

This is D-Bee. (Myspace guy, the one with the drug history, the one who caused all that shit with my aunt and her somewhat doubtful choice in father of her child. If anyone is confused, don't worry. I think I'm mostly writing this to myself).

After everything happened with my aunt and uncle, D-Bee sent me an email apologising profusely and saying that he hoped I could forgive him. He said not to worry, he wouldn't be going anywhere. This meant everything to me - to know that even though things were shitty I could at least I could rely on D-Bee to talk to.

This was over two weeks ago.

Since then he hasn't been online at all and hasn't responded to my email that bluntly asked him to let me know "yes" or "no" if we were talking anymore.

I don't have his phone number. I don't know where he lives. I don't know his last name. And yet I spoke with this person about every third night for hours (online) since the beginning of the year. We told each other some big, personal things. I felt, in some strange disconnected way, that I knew him, or at least I knew I wanted to know him. The night that the crap happened with my uncle D-Bee was talking about the possibility of meeting - which was huge for him considering the drug past (and associated complications), etc.

And now he has disappeared off the face of the planet and there's nothing I can do but look through the obituaries. And this is, like, EVERY obituary as I don't have his last name.

Is it too much to ask for my prospective dates to be mentally sound, not addicted to something, in possession of a driver's lisence and ALIVE???

Fucking hell.

p.s. Agent Y please let us know how RSVP goes. (Hopefully well!) I've heard it can work but due to my freak-magnetism I've given up on the internet.

I'll let you know if D-Bee ever turns up again. Preferably not in a body bag.

*Cringe* I joined RSVP

Well I joined RSVP.
Through lack of other alternatives I joined spur of the moment Monday evening, and had intended to blog about it but had to respond to the dozen kisses, two emails and three instant chat requests I had.
Today is Thursday and I've had 76 fucking emails, kisses and chat requests. SINCE TUESDAY.
Sounds like a nice idea in theory, but I'm having to be really ruthless about who I reply to with positive answers.
Anyone who is over the age limit, 28/29 and out of my area (west, I don't drive after all) unless they are cute or have good profile get an almost automatic reply of 'you don't meet my perfect match criteria' or something almost nasty.
I've had to do this out of necessity now, because otherwise they get hopeful and then there are more emails and kisses involved.
I can't see two guys at once much less talk to 70 of them. Christ.
And then the real flip out was, encountering not only the DropKick Bees I've already blogged about, but a Bee I went to school with!! Hahaha funny old world.

Will keep posted with progress...

No lovin take 2/3/4

"Lives of great men all remind us
We can make our lives sublime,
And
departing, leave behind us
Footprints on the sands of time.

Footprints, that perhaps another,
Sailing o'er life's solemn main,
A forlorn and
shipwrecked brother,
Seeing, shall take heart again.

Let us, then, be up
and doing.
With a heart for any fate;
Still achieving, still
pursuing,
Learn to labor and to wait."
Henry Wadsworth Longfellow

Granted it’s a bit wordy, but I get what Wadsworth is saying, I think he might be onto something here, and I think that the same can be applied to my drought situation.
No longer am I scornful (ok maybe a little) of those giving or receiving sexual gratification, it gives me hope that one day I too, a forlorn shipwrecked sister can take heart and will have sex again!
But then we get to the problematic final stanza, the one where I have to do something in order to achieve a result… oh man. Cheer up, Agent Y, nothing comes from nothing.
I'm sadly lacking in the respect that I am going out and meeting new people, I can't have sex with any of the old ones, don't have any current ones - boy I am in a quandary, a boy quandary.
HAHA oh that was witty.

I also find, I have gone through stages, like one goes through grief, from abject annoyance to complete indifference.I now find that living in my parents home, and not having sex (or even the odd pash and dash) I have reversed into some kind of childlike stasis. The only difference between now and childhood, is a meager paycheck. It seems Peter Pan had it right?

Pussy ring?

This is a ring.

Made of sterling silver.

For your finger.

With a pussy on it.

True story.

Want one?

Pussy rings

Check it out!

These shoes were on sale for $25! From a normal old shoe shop near my work. How awesome are they!

Just wanted to show off.

Balcony lovin' ~~~

Ooh we had hot balcony lovin last night, finally!

And I think there were people on the balcony next door after we'd finished! Maybe they came out to listen to us. (couldn't see anything)

Totally hot though, and made absolutely no effort to be quiet which was great! LOL.

After I came in spectacular fashion, gave Bee (can anyone suggest good name for my Bee?) great blow job using my boobs, which he appreciated. I then had to run all the way to the kitchen however to spit yuckness out, as if I don't take it lying on my back I can't manage to swallow the stuff. Yum.

Lewd Lesbian Lovin'

I think the title pretty much sums it up.

After all my complaining, I finally got laid. I didn't think it would be with a chick but hey. It was quality!

My weekend of course started with Hellfire. I thought it would be difficult to get my tits for all the world to see (for benefit of Agent V - I went with these black and red felt stars glued over my nipples. Can send pics if people are curious. I considered it a good look. Tasteful, y'know.) but no. I nearly left the house without my coat!!

Our night included podium dancing with leather-clad men, general dancing (more fun with boobs out I tell you), me getting tied to a frame and whipped but guy wearing leather skirt that featured his bum hanging out of (bum hanging guy was total freak but good whipper) and me falling instantly in love with this beautiful guy with long black hair and a real flair with a crop. I managed to catch his eye and we smiled (I believe we shared a 'moment') but unfortunately he was with a bunch of people who left fairly early. He also appeared to be with some chick (very hot and amazing boobs dammit) so bah. Anyway, I got out of my shell and met new people and was merry and such, it was great. And great cos I trust my Girlfriend Bee and she looks after me in these situations - makes sure no one takes advantage of me (in a bad way). Will have to get my boobs out more often methinks!

We were too tired for lovin that night but the following afternoon we had some time to kill so Girlfriend Bee hogtied me. Which led to her touching me up. Which led to her going down on me and me coming my brains out. (Yes, I have gone for the classier spelling there. We are, after all, classy ladies). Then she rolled me over and sat on my face. Also fun ;)

Then, birthday celebrations. Sorry could not talk about this at said birthday celebrations but was a bit difficult to gloat considering Girlfriend Bee was there. ("Heeeeey! Guess who scored!!") Had piles of fun dancing like maniac and talking to Long Hair Bee #2. Who is this guy and why have I not been informed there is a pretty/weird-in-a-kinda-endearing-way guy wandering around with lovely long hair? Hmm??

Went home, again too tired for naughtiness. But next day had awesome giant breakfast at Westfield (the scenic tour of Sydney) and then checked out the local sex shop I had always been curious about. Girlfriend Bee bought two (count them) strap-ons. And can you believe I was still so naive at this point I didn't think she'd be using them on me??

Flatmate Bee goes out for the day. Girlfriend Bee and I again have time to kill. So she ties me up again but this time does me from behind with a strap on. (And her 'cock' was on the larger side! I am still sore!!) We also tried missionary, which was also very, very hot. Then she put it on me so she could ride me (me on my back). I can appreciate now how awesome a position that is for a guy - just lie back and enjoy the sex - no wonder so many of my lazy ex-boyfriends kept insisting on that one.

This went on for a couple of hours.

I drove her to the airport that night and we kissed goodbye - right there at the car drop off point in front of everyone. People stared. It was funny.

So, in conclusion, for someone who defines herself as 'straight' I appear to have had sex with women more times now than is purely accidental or experimental. I guess I'd say I'm about 20% bi. But ultimately still like boys, don't know why but they spin my wheels even though they're mostly all crap. Especially if they have long hair...

Incidentally, for anyone who has been following my Myspace Bee saga - I now have a satisfactory answer as to why we can't meet. We spoke online last night and basically it comes down to a long dark drug past which he is still getting over and doesn't want to expose me to. Which is very considerate of him. (Men - I sure know how to pick 'em, eh?) It's a real shame cos I really like him. But perhaps am only intrigued by the mystery of it all. That and he is a millionaire who owns four cars including a Porche. (!!!)

Anyway, I'm happy. And shagged. And a lesbian, aparently. Thought I'd share :)

Dirtyspoke

*fanning self* I implore you to read this blog Dirtyspoke.

*****Warning!!!*****

Not for the faint hearted, and don't do what I did and read it at work! Makes for uncomfortable squirming and fast window closing. LOL

Valentines

Card. Expensive Lingerie. Dinner. Wine. Champagne.

Nice Restaurant. Holding hands. Chocolate. Sex.

What's missing!? Could it be the orgasm? Could it? Could it????? I, I, I think it is!!!

Holy macaroni! I know the cardinal rule is not to mention dissatisfaction whilst you're still actually IN bed, but the point is, if I've actually pointed it out, I want the situation fixed! Pah. Can't remember after that. Must have fallen asleep. Much frustration. I guess thats why everyone hates Valentines day!! Mine was moments away from being 100% perfect! And instead I am super grumpy-girl today. I woke up and DreamBee looks at me and says - are you still mad at me? With puppy dog eyes. The problem is I'm not mad, I'm..? I don't know! But it ain't good. Grumble. Big grumble.

In other news, how was the warming?

x Agent Vee for Valentines' Vipes

PS I forgot to mention that the good morning blow-job means that he came twice in one day whilst I am still out of commission. Perhaps that is adding to my grumbles? I think Yes.

LMAO

Of all the gin joints

Space is big, really big and like other large empty spaces it collects a bit of rubbish, space junk from various Apollo missions and land fill jettisoned into space.
Like outer space, cyber space is infinitely huge. You can do everything online, buy clothes, shoes, the Hollywood sign, food, talk to people from the other side of the world and date people without bellowing over pub music. But it’s also when I discovered the cyber space dating junk!
Deciding to consider a sortie into internet dating wasn’t that hard, without having to join up I could go window shopping for potentials all while sitting in my pj’s!
Then I saw them. Not one skeleton in the cupboard but two!
And one of them StandUp Bee! The outrage! !!!
Looking at his ad, it looks like some disgruntled ex (not me) has hacked his account and rewritten his profile. That or, he IS incredibly screwed up and has the self esteem of a bison.
The second one is BestFriendsEx Bee. With whom I had a one night stand with his friend in his living room (not my finest hour clearly), and then last year (or maybe the year before??) had a fling with another of his mates RedHead Bee.
After some deliberation and then reconsideration I’ve posted the DropKick Bees photos which have been blurred to protect the not so innocent.

This one IS funny

Rape Comic?

Umm. is it wrong I find this kind of funny?

On the band wagon

Right X, well talk at the party about traveling… Z are you coming? Bad Bee needs discussion!
Good work V, I think you’ve done well. Sampled a nice selection… missed out on Irish Bees though!


God, seems like the only thing more pitiful than thinking about your lame sex life is actually accounting it.

Jan; BFNYE05 pash converts himself from pash and dash to pash and see whats happens. Croatian Bee and I have a few dates, he had really hot upper arms. We make out in the car, but after a while there’s no use getting into anymore heavy petting (haha)due to silly little car.
End Jan; StandUp Bee reenters the scene, groveling. Dad is quite sick, I suppose I could blame it all on being a bit vulnerable but I still liked him so we start up on the road to no return.
After a considerable period of me being very suspicious, StandUp Bee and I float about for a while having some pseudo-relationship thing. We have sex, etc but only as dirty weekend or in the car (or park) (AHA! Obviously something’s not right! All signs ignored)
March; pine for gorgeous Queensland Bee, I met at the fiddler and sustain text flirting and we never really manage to have anything (essentially because he has a child and lives in QLD), but he’s sooo pretty.
April; all fairly uneventful, still persisting with StandUp Bee but manage kissing Inappropriate Bee.
August; Ignore amoral kiss merrily, until StandUp Bee lives up to his namesake and stands me up for a date without any notice. For the second time, lying motherfucker.
September; Drought. Not wishing to see, well people really.
October; Continuance of Drought. Now moved onto abject jaded glibness, which is SO attractive.
November; semi interested crush on Peirced/Tattooed Bee, only to peter out. Merry partying with Agents, weeeeee. Fun encounter with Cousin Bees, should have snogged my bee… why not? WHY! Exchanged for lame hand holding and strange intimacy. Pretty dresses and flowers, myth about bridesmaid beating men off with sticks only impeded by lack of single blokes.
December; semi-crush of convenience on Paintball Bee, really not my type. But good arms, again with my down fall the arms.
NYE; drink enough grog to slow an elephant and pash random EminemWigga Bee.

Lady Bees

Lol hilarious. You've had a very full year!! You need to do something about your font size too, it should be set to normal.

And your avatar is cool!!! You need to insert it as a pic in each post though.

I didn't know you had back of the car sex with Phone Bee. He was such a waste of your time *huff*

Dating Wonderland 06

Noticed Agent Z's Dating Wonderland Post and thought it would be fun to share mine! (Bees should ALL, though potentially less of an exciting story with Agent X but oh well)

J: Single but sleeping with ex! OK with it but being pestered by ex who is attempting self destruction and insists on telling me all about it at inappropriate times... woo. Note: And the sex is always bad!
F: Have booked trip OS and looking forward to accented shagging all over the globe, no action(and not missing it!).
M: Same as F.
A: Embark on trip -avidly watching for appropriate menfolk (somewhat amateurishly due to extended relationship with ExBee) and attempt to avoid encounter with TourBee due to lack of interest on my behalf.
M: Decide what the hell, as TourBee is ALWAYS checking me out whenever I turn around and am also getting somewhat aroused by the attention! Encounters involve late night vodka fuelled pashing, waking up in a bed I don't remember getting to with most of my clothes off, vodka fuelled shenanigans indoors and outdoors and discovering at the last instance that if a guy seems to be exceptionally good at pleasuring a girl in non-penetrative ways, then after a while it may be a good bet he needs some nasal spray technology for his...'condition'. Still, guilt was probably the only drawback!
Was snogged by Hot German Bee mid month, annoyed at feeling guilty about TourBee and not enjoying it more! He was HOT dammit!
J: One night stand in extremely nice hotel, though was too drunk to remember most of the night and also was drunkenly aparty to a decision to stay in the one of a gazillion hotels that's aircon was broken. Yeeurch...... stupidly hot! Biggest regret - not being sober enough to remember to best part of the night! Was OK with returning to consciousness to find myself 'having' sex, but bummed when he didn't call me... 2nd regret, being too drunk for any contribution to the act! I have a slight feeling I wasn't the best lover in the world that night! D'oh. He was cute too! (and big nob!)
J: The beginning of The Drought. The Pining begins for DreamBee/BritishBee.
A: Spend hours dancing with/against SmallmouthBee(so named because of his annoyingly small mouth, how can you get into a pash if you feel like you're about to eat their whole face off?) A few pashes ensue. I run away without leaving my number, but then feel cold as it is now 6am and I am in the middle of a tent in a field with no warm body behind me, dang! Feel guilty about not devoting all attentions to DreamBee! (Weird, I know)
S: Awesome Continental holiday, attempt to crank it up with DreamBee, reverse effect is true and Bee turns to my friend instead, who instead of acknowledging months of my pining attempts to shack up with him herself. Bitch!
O: Excellent girls' night out plan to pick up goes to plan in record time, almost feel like I'm over DreamBee, renewed self confidence! Dating He Who Forgot His Phone who has an awesome set of abs in an irritating game playing fashion for a couple of weeks. Slightly awkward sex in the back of his car (luckily spacious), then peters out. Not too bummed as had a suprisingly small wang for someone so hot. Ahh the ways of the world.
N: Partying it up with Agents and SisterBees! Great for self confidence and fun times, no dating! Failed attempt to avoid being kissed by guy I danced with then us all being invited back to their hotel room for the night. They were suprised when we revealed that no, we weren't 'full keen' after all. We weren't! No loving at singles dance 4th Nov despite looking awesome - I think you'll hear me on that one Agents.....
(Meanwhile DreamBee & friend break up.)
D: Return to Wonderland and avoid topic of pining with DreamBee. Return to life as normal until DreamBee's trip away. The week after this I become aware of a subtle change - can it be true? Weirdnesses include actual meaningful looks (not imagined this time, like other occasions), and extra physical contact! (I of course noticed this as I could have almost listed the times physical contact occured previously! Partially due to rarity, and like I said, I was infatuated!) Plus a meeting at the pub that really felt like a date, especially considering that I was invited then bought drinks! Woo! Once home a nonspecific conversation about logistics of potential relationships ensued (much blurriness on my behalf due to consumption of 2 large glasses of wine (that's half a litre kids) and awkward but nice hugs.
End of the week arrives and its 100% obvious so no risk involved in making moves - woo! He had more positions up his sleeve that I've had hot dinners...certainly never expected that! Enter the week of honeymoon - then stupid Christmas and I am alone til New Years. Bring in the new year in style with a new man. Finally things were looking up....

So, that's caught up to now methinks!

Nuff about me, Agent what's going on with ArseholeBee? Good work with your determination to avoid him though, your efforts are admirable! No moral highground here since me & DreamBee is still a big fat secret....!

Travel travel

I'm not quite sure what you're saying there Y, Are you advocating living in sex or not? It's working for us I guess.

Travel! We are interested in travel this year (yeah good work on the notice-23rd of January!)

We're not really sure where we can afford yet either, I'd really love to go to Italy but I haven't consulted Catholic Bee. We were wanting to go to the snow this year too, but that's a separate thing altogether really and not worth mentioning.... hehehe

We can chat at Housewarming about it I guess!

Bad Bee! Oh you Agent you. I'm glad you took sister bee though, to prevent any shenannigans from occuring. I think he's an asshole actually for stringing you along, you know he's only doing it to make himself feel better about his shitty relationship. He knows it doesn't HELP YOU at all calling every few months to torment you.

I propose renaming him Asshole Bee.

That is all.