Around the world

We managed to have sex in every country we travelled to, with the exception of Wales unfortunately. Got really lucky between Spain, Italy + Greece, as I got the painters in, which is also why we missed Wales (next month) but it ended up timing just fine to make it at least once in each of them.
For all the nights we spent in London we stayed with friends and people we felt bad "defiling" the bed, so England was touch and go until tonight. Having had the painters for the last few days, I whispered to Hub-bee while in the pool that we could squeeze one in for Queen and country, completing our mission (Wales aside, but we can count that as UK right?)

NO we did NOT do it in the pool. It was a hotel pool and there were other people in it.

No we did it in the steam room beside the pool obviously. Hehehehe So Hot! Literally and metaphorically! We didn't actually have proper sex, Hub-bee used his hands for me, and I came so quick, the daring of it all. There was one way glass on the door, so while we could see if anyone approached, they couldn't see us.

Having congratulated ourselves on our daring little escapade, I was feeling sort of bad that hub-bee was sitting there so obviously agitated himself, so took him in my mouth, under the proviso he be quick as it was a much more compromising position to be caught in. Like me minutes earlier, he was excited by the potential exposure, and I made quick work of it, before having to swallow the evidence (considered spitting down the drain in the steam room but VERY trashy so I didn't).

We felt terribly pleased with ourselves and very un-married again.

injuries!

I broke my bee.
Dammit! With much 'haven't-seen-you-for-months awesome sex in the one afternoon/night we managed to reawaken some almost-gone back pain. Dammit!

I actually find this kind of hot

Just When I think I have Seen it All (part 4)
Reproduced in Full from The Public House

Jennifer responded to a job ad. Married 9 years, with 2 young children and a skilled technician husband she was in a different league to most pub staff.

A former legal secretary, she was more than competent at most aspects of pub work. She was demure in behaviour, eager to work, wore petticoats and singlets, could handle almost any situation. She was working for extra mortgage money.

For several months Mine Host and his senior manager quietly congratulated themselves on landing such a versatile, hardworking and reliable person. She was competent at bar work, bottleshop, ordering liquor, all aspects of poker machine handling, making beds, kitchen work, and supervising of any part of the hotel. This lady had class and style. Nothing would go wrong with her. (We should have known better).

A couple of years after Jennifer started at the Wayside Tavern, it became obvious that all was not well with her domestic situation.

It all came into the open when on the same day she and the children moved out of the house, and she was caught "having it off" with a (long haired) dole bludger by several staff who entered a supposedly empty storeroom without knocking.

Single again, Jennifer's petticoats & singlets disappeared, her work shirts were no longer buttoned to the neck, lacy lingerie became slightly visible, skirts shorter.

Her slide into previously unsuspected depravity became complete when an obviously quite distressed staff member reported to Mine Host about midnight one night that "something" was happening in the car park.

What follows can only be described as beyond Mine Host's belief:

Quick questioning revealed that Jennifer had gone into the car park with a small group of customers, opened the drivers door of a car, sat down with her feet remaining on the ground, slipped her underwear off, over one foot at a time, then lifted her skirt up to her waist, placed one leg through the gap between the open door & the frame of the car, her knee on the rear view mirror, the other kneed placed on the hook of the seat belt.

With the group of customers forming a semi-circle around her, Jennifer was splayed in possibly the most vulnerable position a human can be in. Several of the customers would then come forward in turn to insert a finger. (One would hope here that the boys had been washing their hands)

After the exhibition Jennifer exited the car, dressed, closed the door, and returned to work.

Mine Host verified in person only the fact that Jennifer was absent from work, and that her time sheet did not reflect the unauthorised (and un-covered) "break". She chose on the spot to finish her employment voluntarily.

Far from being bashful about her activities, Jennifer was insulted and angry that her timesheet extensions had been detected by Mine Host and the Wayside Tavern would not now be paying her the barmaid hourly rate for the time spend engaged in such activity. Apparently the exhibition had been a regular event.

More lovin than you can poke a pointed phallus at

Sorry I’ve been awol for a while. A whole bunch of sexy things happened and I didn’t really know where to start, and I still don’t. But I’ll give it a shot.

I’ve been living with PVC since the beginning of March and it just gets better. After a bit of a shaky start (with me basically having a giant panic attack that it would ruin the relationship and he would get sick of me and things would become altogether too similar to a different living relationship I had four years ago) we both have started to settle into it, and now it feels like we’ve made a very logical decision. It did change the relationship, but I think it’s for the better. It’s a bit more ‘real’ – I’ve stopped feeling like I have to be perfect all the time, and finally it feels like we’re partners as opposed to friends who have a lot of kinky sex. Our place is big enough to move around in without annoying each other, and we’re both encouraging each other to actually pursue our creative pursuits.

And there are just so many barf-worthy romantic things that make it so worthwhile – I cook for him, he sorts out my IT and technology woes, we bring each other little presents (he bought me pink hair dye the other day – so sweet!), we complain about our jobs, we fight over the blankets and toilet etiquette – haha, oh my god. The best thing is sleeping in the same bed – he is the first boyfriend I’ve actually enjoyed doing this with. It helps that he is easy to sleep with (he is so quiet and still that it’s basically like sleeping next to a corpse), but I just love that I know no matter how shitty the day is, at the end of it I’ll be lying next to him… ahh.

(Ok, ok, barf barf barf I know.)

Anyway, the sex. Well, I feared that living together would kill the passion, but if anything it seems we’re feeding off each other’s depravity, to the point where it’s probably going to reach this critical mass and our genitals will explode. But until then – wheeheehee! There are a lot of good things… and it’s hard to actually articulate what those are, so I feel I’m going to have to resort to the good old dot point.

• Sleep sex (waking in the night spontaneously fucking)
• Hypnosis sex (like having any fantasy made real. The other day I got to experience what having a cock is like.…!)
• Group sex (got wasted with a couple of good friends of mine, and we ended up having sex while they had sex, which was insanely sexy, and PVC took lots of arty photographs)
• Porn sex (PVC has some very good quality porn)
• Morning sex (an oldie but a goodie – and about to increase as I start night shift at work this week)
• Massage sex (nothing beats a happy ending…)
• Making luurve (um, yeah…)

Ok so this takes me up to all the kinky shit we’ve done of late. Which will need its very own dot point listing:

• Going to Melbourne for a party at a specialised fetish bed and breakfast. I ended up getting wrapped in cling wrap to this pretty guy with a rubber fetish, while PVC and the rubber fetishist’s partner tormented us. PVC also was an extremely good sport in terms of getting in there with the bi-curious action – by kissing and fondling the other bloke. Of which I have photographic evidence…
• Experiencing what it’s like being on the OTHER side of the cane/flogger/etc. Something I never thought appealed to me, but it’s getting more interesting.
• Getting promoted to joint-moderator of the Under 30’s group in Sydney. This has a few perks, and I’ve been working hard at expanding the group beyond the usual assortment of freaks. I feel like I’m finally using my lame organisational skills for good instead of evil!
• Helping PVC construct a ‘dungeon’ in the spare room of our house, and throwing our very own fetish party! Which was a rip roaring success! It’s a bit of a long story, but basically the Under 30’s group got approached by a reporter from Triple J. He was doing a story (for the ‘Hack’ program) about young people and fetish, and he wanted to meet us and to attend a private party so he could interview people and get an idea of what goes on. So, in a whirlwind of organisation (and a lot of trips to Bunnings) PVC and I managed to construct a ‘spanking frame’ out of bamboo and set up lights and massage tables and such to transform our apartment into a den of sin. About 15 people showed up, which was massive. So our house was packed out, and I was resplendent in rubber, and we put on a show for the reporter dude, who incidentally happened to be outrageously cute, and who also appeared to be suppressing an erection for the entire night. He interviewed me for about 45 minutes, where I totally spilled my guts, and it was an amazing and actually quite intimate experience. It will be going to air sometime in the next week – the program itself if on at 5:30pm every weeknight, or the podcast can be downloaded from http://www.abc.net.au/triplej/hack/

Which somewhat brings me to the end of this giant essay about what been going on in my sex life lately. Phew.

Bees out.

p.s. Is it wrong to have sex while your neighbour’s cat is sleeping on your bed?

Cyber lovin'

OK. So. I have had a weird flipout and had my first online sexual encounter. Not any one handed typing action, luckily.
We have the technology....of a webcam. Good for chats! But recently the tyranny of distance has caused the usually reserved Bee in question to request more and more scantily clad conversations. These are frequently difficult to manage due to the less-than-private location of the computer but due to the prolonged abscence of many householders we have managed to squeeze in a couple of rauchy "conversations". I was suprised at how hot it was though. Also never thought I was much of the voyeuristic type but I/we have been proved wrong!
Really it all began with a normal webcam chat that went awry as I turned up in only a towel fresh from the shower and longdistanceBee started to get ideas. I was merrily teasing away until I was treated to the sight of ldB's rapidly growing erection. I wouldn't have thought (and maybe it isn't so much if you're getting it regularly...) that just seeing a hard cock could actually make me that horny. But it did. As we both happenend to be alone we had to make do with our own hands but managed a bit of sexy time across the miles. We even came at the same time hehehe. I must admit it was slightly awkward afterwards! It was so intense that it was right out of character for our regular webcam chats and so the rest of the chat was rather short and a bit like 'hmmm, well! That was um.... very nice...phew...mmm. what were we talking about? Oh, I can't remember either. Well, talk to you tomorrow then....'
Part 2 of online lovin' - amatuer stripping hour! After the in person episode, ldB began to request more nudie pictures...so naturally I obliged, first a couple of stills from the webcam and then, the HORROR! There is now in existence a powerpoint Agent V stripshow. Yes, I know. Powerpoint. *shudder* I was rewarded with a text a short while later after I'd logged off informing me I Am Hot, which was most awesome actually.
I have my own sneaky collection of semi nude man pictures too. I was a bit horny when I was doing the snapshots though and Bee was mildly horrified to see that of the pictures I'd taken they were mainly of his cock, which was quite funny when he got all scandalised about it. So we did some more tasteful ones and I dutifully deleted the penis pictures.
Part 3. Naturally progressed to a video request. I always feel kind of silly doing striptease unless I'm pretty tipsy (which as we all know doesn't necessarily equal sexy sex, more likely sexy sleep) but in this case I had a bit of lamplight going and it all looked very arty. And I think I looked damn sexy too. I do worry about my pixelated nude self exisiting at all, but under the circumstances I wasn't going to let that stop me. I still have the occasional worry about skyping spies but in the main I'm flattered to be asked to provide custom pron!

So. Not too much else happening on the sex front for me. Before that when we were in the same country there wasn't much news! Apart from the shameful admission that the week I left we got heaps of sex in......except for the very last day when we got distracted playing the biggest brain game and......ran....out.....of.....time.....I can't tell you how many times I kicked myself over that. We thought about a quickie on the way out but with my organisational skills it wasn't a good plan.
*sigh*

zzzzzout.

Howdy Y'all

Sorry its been AGES since I bee-d and I know that one Agent is enforcing celibacy on herself (why!? Was XmasParty-Bee really that bad!???) and another Agent is seperated from her Bee by many leagues of ocean.

So whats going on in this Agent's bedroom?

Well a hell of a lot actually.
Getting lots of action (sorry not rubbing it in!) and very satisfying.
I'm really OVER blow jobs at the moment though. And I'm getting sick of HubBee asking for them! And a little ashamed, because if he's asking for it, really I'm not doing it often enough right?

Biggest news to report is that we finally played a board game we got for our engagement party. Yep, that was two years ago. LOL and no its not scrabble.
Game is called Monogamy and golly is it good!
The premise of the game is that you play for a while, and it gets you in the mood and everything. There's squares on the board in different colours and they all mean different things like Kissing, Eating, Undressing, Massaging etc. Then there's three different levels, and each square getting progressively more raunchy as you play. EG the kissing square starts as a peck on the cheek for the pink level, on the lips with no tongue for purple level and open mouthed long as you want in the red level.
There's also a Drink square to get you drunk along the way. We played mid-afternoon, so sipped from soft drink instead LOL.

It does have the potential to be very lame, but when you take it in the spirit, it was kind of fun.
The aim of the game is to go around the boars six times, drawing a "fantasy card" every time you pass the equivalant of "go". Whoever gets around fastest gets to enact the fantasy they like best of all the cards you drew.
We didn't actually GET to that point and I must say I was surprised it ended up being so good. We only played because HubBee was in the mood and I wasn't, but by the time we actually had sex, it was incredible and I was almost gagging for it. Hahaha
Fantasies on the cards varied, there was the stock standard School girl/nurse etc. But I drew a couple of doozies, one was to wrap each other in cling wrap, there was another to go out and do it in the car, pretending you don't live together.

We'll definintely play again, but we might try it at night with wine (or vodka).

*Also I've adjusted the options so that new comments and new posts are automatically emailed to everyone. If you want to change the address I picked (or remove yourself), go into settings.

No noteworthy sex akin to no sex?

WHATS HAPPENING OUT THERE PEOPLE!!??

I am CELEBATE (albeit self imposed) and nobody is having any exciting sex?
SIGH

Oscar time

Does anyone else look at the Oscars, and wonder whether people do inappropriate things with the statuettes when they get home? They kind of look like they would be ok for that sort of caper, as compared to say, this

V-Day is always craptacular

I always find my Valentine’s Day totally void of romanticism like some kind of cruel universal amusement, but I have a particular additional reason to loathe the 'celebrations.'This years V-day was no exception, with my only possible Romeo in another country *POUT*

My birthday is two days before Valentine's Day, which means invariably anywhere I want to go is either booked out or chocked to the rafters with doe-eyed lovers who either staring dreamily into each others eyes or practically undressing each other.
This birthday was no exception, my girlfriends and I went to an Italian place in the Piazza and were shoved in a table upstairs with a few couples and a family merrily ignoring thier screaming kids so they could have a romantic meal on a night that wasn't a school night.
This wasn't too bad, after consumption of a few cocktails and a majority of a bottle of Merlot (2006 was a good year lol) all the background noise melted away and we had fun.

Possibly my worst ever Valentine's Day was on my 16th birthday. My best friend and her parents decided that we would go up to The Entrance and stay for the weekend. The day was a stinking hot one, lovely beach weather and we all ate a lovely picnic and swam about.
As the sun started to set we had fish and chips then decided to scamp off to find lodgings...
HAHA I think not! EVERY single motel, hotel, caravan park or camping site was totally booked out. So we, along with a dozen other cars parked on the side of the road for a blisteringly hot night sleeping in the car.
Super fun.

As an update, I am still having no sexy sex. Its all very boring and annoying in the way where you want to count how many days it has been since one last had sex... but I am persevering in my sex embargo.

My Somewhat Horrendous Valentine's Day

Fear not, Agent X, you don’t have to be married to be underwhelmed on Valentine’s.

Although in fairness to PVC, he wasn’t really to blame for the general horrendousness.

Now, I hate Valentine’s Day for the same reason I hate New Year’s Eve – because anything that hyped up is bound to be a disappointment. (There are other reasons why I hate VD, mostly to do with my utter disgust and contempt at capitalism’s attempt to sell ‘love’… or maybe I’m just bitter because no one ever paid for a singing telegram for me while I was in school and my disappointment at never getting the opportunity to hear ‘I’ll Make Love to You’ by Boys to Men screamed at me will now overshadow the rest of my romantic life…)

Anyway, I hate it. And flowers and all the crap make me cringe. A sentiment that PVC and I both share. Also any prospect of a hot date that evening was out of the question, as he had to be the demonstration partner for a beginners ceroc (a sort of jive-y ballroom dancing) class that night. The prospect of heckling him while he was up on the stage appealed to me, so I went along to the class.

Class was fun, and I got a good bit of heckling in. Afterwards there was some of social dancing, and then we had to decide whether we wanted to stay on for the intermediate class, or go home and eat cake. I was all for cake, but he insisted we stay, telling me that I was totally ready for intermediate (with my whole three lessons behind me). So we stayed.

Perhaps not surprisingly, I found the class kind of difficult. Which is a gentle way of saying I sucked. Oh how I sucked. (In fairness to me, I missed the beginning of the class because I had to go to the toilet, and my attention span was shot from the class that preceded it and another terrible day at work). But yeah, Lord of the Dance I was not. Even still, I couldn’t work out why PVC was acting really quite aggressive. He was being all “I said spin on THREE, not FOUR!” and I was all “dude chill out” until eventually he had to point out that his ex-girlfriend had joined the class with her new boyfriend and they had been dancing directly beside us for some time. Her new boyfriend was obviously at the same skill level as me, and she was doing a similar thing to PVC in that she was dragging the poor bugger all over the place.

I asked PVC if he wanted to go, but he was determined to stick the class out to the bitter end. So it then turned into this Strictly Ballroom-esk dance off, whereby we kept dancing into them and they kept dancing into us while the exes shot each other withering looks and I tried to check her out between demented spins. I thought it was funny, and I kept losing the plot and giggling, which only served to make PVC more annoyed at me.

An aside: PVC’s ex is freaking beautiful. You know that famous painting, with Venus emerging scantily clad from a clamshell? Well, like that. Long, flowing auburn hair, creamy skin, blue eyes, etc. I’ve seen photos of her, but she looks even better in real life. Although, by all accounts she’s a bit of a bitch, and while she’s got a nice rack, she has nothing on my ass. So, y’know. I wasn’t about to stick a diamante stiletto in her eye or anything, I was just kind of curious.

Finally admitting defeat, PVC and I sat down to watch the end of the class, while he gazed pensively in her direction. I asked him if he was going to say ‘hi’ which he decided he wasn’t, so we got up and skulked out before the final round of social dancing.

Now at this point, I’m expecting we’ll go to his place, eat cake and shag. But no, PVC has decided that the time was right for telling his parents that he’s planning to quit his ridiculously lucrative career in IT to become an impoverished photographer. This was not music to his highly-conservative parents’ ears. PVC proceeds to have a giant argument with his mum which lasts about two hours while I sit watching them awkwardly. I think a bit of blame might have ricoched in my direction, as the unwholesome artistic influence in his life, but I also might be paranoid. Anyway, not the most fun I’ve ever had, but in a perverse way kind of entertaining.

At the end of the night (into the early hours of Friday morning), we muster our last reserves of energy for cake consumption. Which unfortunately left zero energy for shagging. Bah.

Ah well. Shagged approximately five times this weekend, so I can’t really complain!

V Day- Hub-bee

Hub-bee went to footy training. Lame, unromantic. No flowers (which admittedly I DO think are way over priced for V Day), nothing.
Not that I really expected anything. We had Thai which we got take away from our fave local. (Yes, Blue Eschallot) and wine. Actually I drank most of the wine while hub-bee ironed his shirts. Yep, this is what you have to look forward to ladies. LOL
So we watched our "programs" which we had taped from the previous night, and when they finished we came back into the middle of "medical emergency" where they were doing gastric bypass surgery on a woman who weighed 400+kg (about 868 pounds I think, it was American).
SO Sexy. We were totally in the mood for sexy time after looking at a "super morbidly obese" woman, which appears to be the medical term for ultra fat chick.

In the end, we got over it and did have fabulous sex, which was good as Tall-Hunky-Groomsman-Bee's bucks and hens is this weekend and I won't see him until Sunday night now :( (Friday morn now)

So that was my underwhelming V Day.

Others suffer too...

http://www.craigslist.org/about/best/wdc/511664762.html

OK, I just feel like this was the right place to share this one. Poor gal!

Beezout!

I forgot to say...

***READ POST BELOW FIRST***
I forgot to say in previous post, as I said, I felt sorry for the poor bugger, so of course we make up for it last night.
So he's going down on me, which was GREAT, and I'm giving him some hand relief, (okI was being a bitch and didn't feel like blowing him at the same time) and he motions me to stop, cos he's getting close and everything.
Well I was getting close too, so I stop briefly, but continue, because if I don't feel like sucking him off while I'm getting it, I will feel even less like it when I've come already. And I get really annoyed if I feel like that's what he's going to want and that's why he's saying stop.
Ok so I'm coming, and then he's coming, and we're in this awkward position but I was fairly confident that all the cum is going on my boob, and yes, that's where the majority of it ended up, but it also ended up all over the bedsheets, having sort of dripped down. Ew!
LOL Right next to my head, and my pillow. Gross.
It was funny though. And even the bit that was on my boob, felt a bit porn-star. Hahaha

elaborate plan

Hub-bee and I are occassionally giant nanna's. This doesn't involve huge white cotton underpants and water glasses with dentures, but for example Sunday night just past, we were in bed at the super early hour of 9pm. We actually went to bed at 8.50, and I for one, revelled in the wonderful knowledge we would wake refreshed and feeling good. I personally ended up getting a full ten hours of sleep, it was fantastic.

The next day at work, Hub-bee reveals to me that he actually had a grand plan for the previous evening. See I'd been quite vocal in the fact that I didn't feel we'd gotten enough sleep, and I was really tired and looking forward to an early night. So he didn't like his sexy-time chances at the start of bedtime, he had a good feeling he would be rebuffed if he made a move (which was true).
So he had a really big glass of water right before he got into bed, thinking that his bladder would wake him in the middle of the night, and he could go for the midnight tap.

This venture is not without risk however, if he goes in too early, and I haven't rested enough, I will still likely rebuff him. Even though I do quite like sex in the middle of the night when you don't really talk and its all groping and groggy arousal. Alternatively, if he goes too late, I will also be annoyed if I can't get back to sleep.
So Sunday night there was a golden 4 hour window where he would be sweet. (most nights the window is only an hour, two max)

Unfortunately his bladder foiled him, and he didn't wake up. LOL

I felt sorry for the poor bugger.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Quick question for partnered ladies {sorry Dating-Agent :( }
How many times do you reckon you do it in a month,ie in a 30 day time frame?
I reckon we do it about 8-10 times a month.
[sometimes we'll do it almost every day for a week, but there's at least one week in a month where we don't do it at all, and one week where I've "got the painters in", leaving one week when we'll do it sporadically]
What about you guys?

"CALL ME"

Call me (call me) on the line
Call me, call me any, anytime
Call me
(call me) oh love
When you're ready we can share the wine
Call me
- Blondie 'Call Me'

Well what an fucking uninspiring event.
As we know I went out with Mr. Huge on Saturday night, after a nearly normal date, movie, dinner we then got coffee and a drink - four dates in one?
I think I was cock drunk until Tuesday when he didn't reply to my text message I stopped and read all the markers on the road I'd left my blinkers on to ignore.
Let's review;
The date cramming was strange but I guess you never know what someone new is like, right?
He'd initially proffered me a safe journey home but instead traded it for 'stay at my house & go in the morning'
After said night over, he dropped me off saying 'you have my number'
Possibly the nail in the proverbial coffin but still I was naive enough to hope for the best of someone I have already been issued with command to expect the worst from.

Hense forth self imposed embargo on intimacy has been placed... well lets see

WTF?

Ummm......would you trust this to prevent unwanted little people?
Creepy!
Is it just me or does the US seem to have some really weird contraception?

this that and the other

I finally got to wear my Anniversary undies! Woo!
Only two months over due. BUT I might say, as a married lady, it is handy to have a set of sexy undies not previously seen before when you're feeling a bit randy and your Hub-bee asks for an impromptu strip show.
Not feeling super confident in the strip show idea to begin with, at least I was able to reveal something a little bit special to distract in case my performance was less than stellar.

I might add, I had a wax yesterday (coincidence) and I would NOT advise having sexy time on the same day! Pain! Sort of horrid red raw rash thing on one side. You also shouldn't sweat just after a wax as sweat can get into your pores while they're still open and makes pimpley things. Ew.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

I actually thought I was going to have the worst NYE ever this year. We committed early on to going to a house party being held by Tall-Hunky-Groomsman-Bee's Fiancee (get that?) and we discovered on the day of the party that we would be one of about 6 couples in attendance. Hmmm.....

One of said couples, when they drink, are torturously irritating.
THREE of said six couples are part of the "footy crowd" and when we got married we made a hard decision not to invite them to the wedding (remember those couples?) and as such they have never forgiven us, extremely immature of them, and when in mixed company they have generally ignored us (noticeably).

Awkward!

We spent all day trying to figure out how to avoid the party or make excuses to leave.
Ideas included "Agent X pretends to pass out at 7pm and has to be taken home"
"ring before we go and say Agent X went too hard too early and has already passed out(at 5pm)"
"feign some sort of food poisoning after eating something"
"pretend we have another engagement that we've only just discovered"
"plead family commitments" (Mother-in-law actually suggested this one and said she would back us up if questioned)

Hub-bee wouldn't be put off though, feeling we really DID need to go and make the best of it. So I fortified myself with three bottles of champagne (I don't know who I was kidding with the third) and prepared myself to drink until the people became interesting.

In the end, thankfully, another couple we are friends with were there to chat with. One of the three unpleasant couples, the worst of them, did a no-show (wonder if we influenced that?) and the other two may have adopted my idea as we were all wonderfully soused. Midnight brought cheers, air kisses and a dip in the pool. A dip where myself and two other girls started taking our tops off to compare boobs then everyone taking our bottoms off for the hell of it.

I'm actually wondering now if any of the not so drunk people are remarking at how badly I acted...being quick to disapprove of anyone....

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

We also had a little preggy scare. They're rare when you're on the pill, but I have discovered, not impossible. We almost thought about being parents.

Un-friken-believable

So I went out with NYE Bee on Saturday night, and with no intention of doing so I ended up staying the evening.
We went to a movie, had dinner, had a coffee, had a drink... it was like speed dating the same person.
Now NYE Bee is a big strapping man type person, six foot four, arms like tree trunks the whole bit, you know what they say about big feet... big shoes?
Turns out NYE Bee has a MASSIVE wang, I did not my any mesure expect it to be small but couldn't quite believe (my luck? haha) my eyes.

This post may actually be an additional to the previous post, as when I was giving him a blow/hand job and he came, it was like a bad porno the actual volume of liquid - I was glad I didn't need to swallow!

Maybe why it's called a Blow Job?

Couldn't wait to blog about this one..

Don't know what kind of spit/swallow ratio we have in the Hive here, but I'm a bit of a swallow sort of a gal - more for completion's sake rather than it being my favourite flavour, but moving on. I was curious to know if this has happened to anyone else, or only me?

One morning, I was pottering about after my shower on the computer (blah!) and DreamBee wanders out with a massive hard-on. After a little bit of fun out in the living room in front of the window (and checking the webcam was off...) we moved into the bedroom where I continued my oral artistry with less neck crampage.

Moving onto the 'climax' of the story (come on, puns are cool, you know they are) and the funny part. DreamBee is kind of generously endowed, and my throat is kind of small, usually compensated for by movement or lips or whatever, but by one way or another I can generally breathe as well as execute an exquisite fellationic manouver. Not on this occasion. This time I managed to set off the old gag reflex at the same time as DreamBee came, and I suddenly realised that given I couldn't breathe, I couldn't swallow either. I also realised that there was more on its way as well. I'm sure my eyes would have bulged comically a moment before I gagged, then BLAM! Manjuice exploded everywhere, although by some miracle we managed to avoid getting it all over the sheets, it mainly staying all over him and a lot on me and in my hair. Even funnier was I spent the rest of the day feeling half drowned from the effort! What a spectacular embarrassment!!
But anyway, ROFL LMAO. And, eeewww!!

Beezout!

My Somewhat Horrendous NYE

Well, I've had a lot of underwhelming and emotionally draining New Year's - and last night was no exception. Explaining the context of the whole thing is going to be tricky, so I have decided to present in play format:

"Oh, What a (Crappy) Night"
Cast of Characters:

BillyLou
PVC
Ms Cheeky (friend of BL)
Ms Purple Cats (friend of BL)
Ms Gender Studies (friend of PVC)
Ms Gender Studies' Boyfriend (friend of PVC)
PVC's X (who is quite lovely, and hangs out with us sometimes even tho that's a bit weird)
PVC's X's X (the ex boyfriend of PVC's ex girlfriend)
Ms Random Slut Bag (Who No One Invited Anyway)
Weird Boyfriend of Random Slut Bag
Weird Ex Boyfriend of Random Slut Bag

Setting:
Glebe Park

Scene 1:
After spending a nice afternoon in park getting slowly drunker, everyone gets their glow sticks, light sabres and plastic bottles of vodka ready for countdown. When it gets to midnight, fireworks are watched, vodka is skulled and BillyLou is grabbed by PVC and snogged violently. BillyLou's friends and PVC's friends have merged nicely and everyone is getting along. Only Ms Purple Cats is upset, because her boyfriend disappeared at midnight to go and talk to this girl who he is "only friends" with, leaving Purple Cats alone and annoyed. This sets the general tone of upset-ness that will continue through the rest of the evening.

BillyLou's friends have a scheduled 'chillax' party to go to at Ms Cheeky's house in Glebe. PVC's friends are kicking on in park, so we must say goodbye to them before we leave. PVC is saying extended goodbye to Gender Studies' Boyfriend, while I chat awkwardly with the outrageously drunk Gender Studies.

Gender Studies: "Have a really, really good 2008. I mean, I really, really mean it. Have a really, really, really good new year." (Gender Studies is embracing BL intimately.)

BillyLou: "Um, thanks! You too."

Gender Studies: "No, I really mean it. I want you to have a wonderful 2008."

BL: "Um, cool! Thanks again!"

Gender Studies: "I'm so drunk. We should kiss."

PVC: (Noticing the clinch) "Yeah, you guys should totally kiss."

BL: "Um... isn't that your boyfri...." Gender Studies pounces upon BL and kisses her smack on the lips. BL feels very awkward. Gender Studies is not unattractive, but her boyfriend is standing right there, and doesn't look quite so enthused as PVC does. Finally, BL wriggles out of kiss, and makes lame awkward jokey chit chat.

BL: (to PVC) "Um, honey, isn't it time we were heading off?"

PVC: "Oh, no. There's no hurry." BL notices that all of PVC's friends are now staring at BL and Gender Studies.

Gender Studies: (advancing towards BL again) "Have a really, really great..."

BL: (to PVC) "Honey! I think we really should go now. It's getting late!"

PVC: (reluctantly) "Oh, I guess so." PVC finally bids goodbye to Gender Studies' somewhat sour-looking Boyfriend, and finally we are able to walk away. Last I saw of Gender Studies she was walking woozily towards another lone female in the group, arms outstretched.


Scene 2:
Everyone is on a beanbag or futon at Cheeky's house in Glebe. All the ingredients are there for good time, but as mentioned that vibe of tension still prevails. Does not help that these weird random guests have seemingly invited themselves. Random guests include Random Slut Bag and her entourage of weird boyfriends and ex boyfriends. Random Slut Bag is really annoying. She has colourful hair and hippy clothing, but is one of those people who is trying really hard to be alternative to disguise the fact she has no personality, other than annoying. She keeps diverting the conversation (loudly) back to herself, inflicting us with stories about her depression, her (numerous) suicide attempts, her alcoholism, her restrictive Catholic upbringing, her violent fits of rage and her nymphomania. She flounces around room and bats her overly glittery eyes at any one who is male. At one point she makes out with her ex-boyfriend, while her current boyfriend sat at the other end of the room and looked morose. She keeps trying to flirt with and install herself next to PVC, which everyone else is trying really hard to prevent.

At this point, Purple Cats gets into a shit with everyone and pretty much storms off. Just as Purple Cats is leaving, PVC's X's X walks into the room. PVC's X's X sees PVC's X and plonks himself opposite her, so her can make her uncomfortable all night. PVC is livid, as PVC strongly dislikes his X's X, and thinks he should leave immediately. PVC's X assures him that she is ok, and everyone in the room looks on as the awkwardness unfolds. Even Random Slut Bag is momentarily quiet.

Finally, PVC's X's X seems to get the hint that he is not welcome, and after what feels like hours he finally leaves. Everyone is starting to settle down, and there is still a glimmer of hope that good times could potentially be had.

Having drunk about 80 litres of water to compensate for the zillion drinks she has consumed, BillyLou decides to get up and venture downstairs to the toilet, leaving PVC unsupervised on futon.

You can probably see where this is going, but anyway...

When BillyLou returns she finds Random Slut Bag draped all over PVC. They are not kissing or anything, but Slut Bag gives BillyLou the most victorious look of spiteful glee (BillyLou has not been overly polite to Slut Bag during the night) that BillyLou wants to kick her several times in the head. BillyLou resists urge to make giant scene (she is pretty shocked, actually) so she decides to go outside into the fresh air.

BillyLou goes for walk. Cheeky follows after her, and is supportive while BillyLou has small tantrum about how much of a stupid whore Slut Bag is.

When BillyLou returns she finds PVC is looking for her. PVC is apologetic. Is it lovely, and despite Slut Bag's energetic attempts, relationship between PVC and BL comes out stronger. PVC cheers BL up by wearing knitted hat with pom poms and singing to her.

PVC drives his X home (I really quite like his X, so this is ok) and then PVC and BL crash at his place at about 4am.

The End.

Postscript: BL and PVC have beautiful sex several times on New Year's Day. Awesome.