Others suffer too...

http://www.craigslist.org/about/best/wdc/511664762.html

OK, I just feel like this was the right place to share this one. Poor gal!

Beezout!

I forgot to say...

***READ POST BELOW FIRST***
I forgot to say in previous post, as I said, I felt sorry for the poor bugger, so of course we make up for it last night.
So he's going down on me, which was GREAT, and I'm giving him some hand relief, (okI was being a bitch and didn't feel like blowing him at the same time) and he motions me to stop, cos he's getting close and everything.
Well I was getting close too, so I stop briefly, but continue, because if I don't feel like sucking him off while I'm getting it, I will feel even less like it when I've come already. And I get really annoyed if I feel like that's what he's going to want and that's why he's saying stop.
Ok so I'm coming, and then he's coming, and we're in this awkward position but I was fairly confident that all the cum is going on my boob, and yes, that's where the majority of it ended up, but it also ended up all over the bedsheets, having sort of dripped down. Ew!
LOL Right next to my head, and my pillow. Gross.
It was funny though. And even the bit that was on my boob, felt a bit porn-star. Hahaha

elaborate plan

Hub-bee and I are occassionally giant nanna's. This doesn't involve huge white cotton underpants and water glasses with dentures, but for example Sunday night just past, we were in bed at the super early hour of 9pm. We actually went to bed at 8.50, and I for one, revelled in the wonderful knowledge we would wake refreshed and feeling good. I personally ended up getting a full ten hours of sleep, it was fantastic.

The next day at work, Hub-bee reveals to me that he actually had a grand plan for the previous evening. See I'd been quite vocal in the fact that I didn't feel we'd gotten enough sleep, and I was really tired and looking forward to an early night. So he didn't like his sexy-time chances at the start of bedtime, he had a good feeling he would be rebuffed if he made a move (which was true).
So he had a really big glass of water right before he got into bed, thinking that his bladder would wake him in the middle of the night, and he could go for the midnight tap.

This venture is not without risk however, if he goes in too early, and I haven't rested enough, I will still likely rebuff him. Even though I do quite like sex in the middle of the night when you don't really talk and its all groping and groggy arousal. Alternatively, if he goes too late, I will also be annoyed if I can't get back to sleep.
So Sunday night there was a golden 4 hour window where he would be sweet. (most nights the window is only an hour, two max)

Unfortunately his bladder foiled him, and he didn't wake up. LOL

I felt sorry for the poor bugger.

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Quick question for partnered ladies {sorry Dating-Agent :( }
How many times do you reckon you do it in a month,ie in a 30 day time frame?
I reckon we do it about 8-10 times a month.
[sometimes we'll do it almost every day for a week, but there's at least one week in a month where we don't do it at all, and one week where I've "got the painters in", leaving one week when we'll do it sporadically]
What about you guys?

"CALL ME"

Call me (call me) on the line
Call me, call me any, anytime
Call me
(call me) oh love
When you're ready we can share the wine
Call me
- Blondie 'Call Me'

Well what an fucking uninspiring event.
As we know I went out with Mr. Huge on Saturday night, after a nearly normal date, movie, dinner we then got coffee and a drink - four dates in one?
I think I was cock drunk until Tuesday when he didn't reply to my text message I stopped and read all the markers on the road I'd left my blinkers on to ignore.
Let's review;
The date cramming was strange but I guess you never know what someone new is like, right?
He'd initially proffered me a safe journey home but instead traded it for 'stay at my house & go in the morning'
After said night over, he dropped me off saying 'you have my number'
Possibly the nail in the proverbial coffin but still I was naive enough to hope for the best of someone I have already been issued with command to expect the worst from.

Hense forth self imposed embargo on intimacy has been placed... well lets see

WTF?

Ummm......would you trust this to prevent unwanted little people?
Creepy!
Is it just me or does the US seem to have some really weird contraception?

this that and the other

I finally got to wear my Anniversary undies! Woo!
Only two months over due. BUT I might say, as a married lady, it is handy to have a set of sexy undies not previously seen before when you're feeling a bit randy and your Hub-bee asks for an impromptu strip show.
Not feeling super confident in the strip show idea to begin with, at least I was able to reveal something a little bit special to distract in case my performance was less than stellar.

I might add, I had a wax yesterday (coincidence) and I would NOT advise having sexy time on the same day! Pain! Sort of horrid red raw rash thing on one side. You also shouldn't sweat just after a wax as sweat can get into your pores while they're still open and makes pimpley things. Ew.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

I actually thought I was going to have the worst NYE ever this year. We committed early on to going to a house party being held by Tall-Hunky-Groomsman-Bee's Fiancee (get that?) and we discovered on the day of the party that we would be one of about 6 couples in attendance. Hmmm.....

One of said couples, when they drink, are torturously irritating.
THREE of said six couples are part of the "footy crowd" and when we got married we made a hard decision not to invite them to the wedding (remember those couples?) and as such they have never forgiven us, extremely immature of them, and when in mixed company they have generally ignored us (noticeably).

Awkward!

We spent all day trying to figure out how to avoid the party or make excuses to leave.
Ideas included "Agent X pretends to pass out at 7pm and has to be taken home"
"ring before we go and say Agent X went too hard too early and has already passed out(at 5pm)"
"feign some sort of food poisoning after eating something"
"pretend we have another engagement that we've only just discovered"
"plead family commitments" (Mother-in-law actually suggested this one and said she would back us up if questioned)

Hub-bee wouldn't be put off though, feeling we really DID need to go and make the best of it. So I fortified myself with three bottles of champagne (I don't know who I was kidding with the third) and prepared myself to drink until the people became interesting.

In the end, thankfully, another couple we are friends with were there to chat with. One of the three unpleasant couples, the worst of them, did a no-show (wonder if we influenced that?) and the other two may have adopted my idea as we were all wonderfully soused. Midnight brought cheers, air kisses and a dip in the pool. A dip where myself and two other girls started taking our tops off to compare boobs then everyone taking our bottoms off for the hell of it.

I'm actually wondering now if any of the not so drunk people are remarking at how badly I acted...being quick to disapprove of anyone....

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

We also had a little preggy scare. They're rare when you're on the pill, but I have discovered, not impossible. We almost thought about being parents.

Un-friken-believable

So I went out with NYE Bee on Saturday night, and with no intention of doing so I ended up staying the evening.
We went to a movie, had dinner, had a coffee, had a drink... it was like speed dating the same person.
Now NYE Bee is a big strapping man type person, six foot four, arms like tree trunks the whole bit, you know what they say about big feet... big shoes?
Turns out NYE Bee has a MASSIVE wang, I did not my any mesure expect it to be small but couldn't quite believe (my luck? haha) my eyes.

This post may actually be an additional to the previous post, as when I was giving him a blow/hand job and he came, it was like a bad porno the actual volume of liquid - I was glad I didn't need to swallow!

Maybe why it's called a Blow Job?

Couldn't wait to blog about this one..

Don't know what kind of spit/swallow ratio we have in the Hive here, but I'm a bit of a swallow sort of a gal - more for completion's sake rather than it being my favourite flavour, but moving on. I was curious to know if this has happened to anyone else, or only me?

One morning, I was pottering about after my shower on the computer (blah!) and DreamBee wanders out with a massive hard-on. After a little bit of fun out in the living room in front of the window (and checking the webcam was off...) we moved into the bedroom where I continued my oral artistry with less neck crampage.

Moving onto the 'climax' of the story (come on, puns are cool, you know they are) and the funny part. DreamBee is kind of generously endowed, and my throat is kind of small, usually compensated for by movement or lips or whatever, but by one way or another I can generally breathe as well as execute an exquisite fellationic manouver. Not on this occasion. This time I managed to set off the old gag reflex at the same time as DreamBee came, and I suddenly realised that given I couldn't breathe, I couldn't swallow either. I also realised that there was more on its way as well. I'm sure my eyes would have bulged comically a moment before I gagged, then BLAM! Manjuice exploded everywhere, although by some miracle we managed to avoid getting it all over the sheets, it mainly staying all over him and a lot on me and in my hair. Even funnier was I spent the rest of the day feeling half drowned from the effort! What a spectacular embarrassment!!
But anyway, ROFL LMAO. And, eeewww!!

Beezout!

My Somewhat Horrendous NYE

Well, I've had a lot of underwhelming and emotionally draining New Year's - and last night was no exception. Explaining the context of the whole thing is going to be tricky, so I have decided to present in play format:

"Oh, What a (Crappy) Night"
Cast of Characters:

BillyLou
PVC
Ms Cheeky (friend of BL)
Ms Purple Cats (friend of BL)
Ms Gender Studies (friend of PVC)
Ms Gender Studies' Boyfriend (friend of PVC)
PVC's X (who is quite lovely, and hangs out with us sometimes even tho that's a bit weird)
PVC's X's X (the ex boyfriend of PVC's ex girlfriend)
Ms Random Slut Bag (Who No One Invited Anyway)
Weird Boyfriend of Random Slut Bag
Weird Ex Boyfriend of Random Slut Bag

Setting:
Glebe Park

Scene 1:
After spending a nice afternoon in park getting slowly drunker, everyone gets their glow sticks, light sabres and plastic bottles of vodka ready for countdown. When it gets to midnight, fireworks are watched, vodka is skulled and BillyLou is grabbed by PVC and snogged violently. BillyLou's friends and PVC's friends have merged nicely and everyone is getting along. Only Ms Purple Cats is upset, because her boyfriend disappeared at midnight to go and talk to this girl who he is "only friends" with, leaving Purple Cats alone and annoyed. This sets the general tone of upset-ness that will continue through the rest of the evening.

BillyLou's friends have a scheduled 'chillax' party to go to at Ms Cheeky's house in Glebe. PVC's friends are kicking on in park, so we must say goodbye to them before we leave. PVC is saying extended goodbye to Gender Studies' Boyfriend, while I chat awkwardly with the outrageously drunk Gender Studies.

Gender Studies: "Have a really, really good 2008. I mean, I really, really mean it. Have a really, really, really good new year." (Gender Studies is embracing BL intimately.)

BillyLou: "Um, thanks! You too."

Gender Studies: "No, I really mean it. I want you to have a wonderful 2008."

BL: "Um, cool! Thanks again!"

Gender Studies: "I'm so drunk. We should kiss."

PVC: (Noticing the clinch) "Yeah, you guys should totally kiss."

BL: "Um... isn't that your boyfri...." Gender Studies pounces upon BL and kisses her smack on the lips. BL feels very awkward. Gender Studies is not unattractive, but her boyfriend is standing right there, and doesn't look quite so enthused as PVC does. Finally, BL wriggles out of kiss, and makes lame awkward jokey chit chat.

BL: (to PVC) "Um, honey, isn't it time we were heading off?"

PVC: "Oh, no. There's no hurry." BL notices that all of PVC's friends are now staring at BL and Gender Studies.

Gender Studies: (advancing towards BL again) "Have a really, really great..."

BL: (to PVC) "Honey! I think we really should go now. It's getting late!"

PVC: (reluctantly) "Oh, I guess so." PVC finally bids goodbye to Gender Studies' somewhat sour-looking Boyfriend, and finally we are able to walk away. Last I saw of Gender Studies she was walking woozily towards another lone female in the group, arms outstretched.


Scene 2:
Everyone is on a beanbag or futon at Cheeky's house in Glebe. All the ingredients are there for good time, but as mentioned that vibe of tension still prevails. Does not help that these weird random guests have seemingly invited themselves. Random guests include Random Slut Bag and her entourage of weird boyfriends and ex boyfriends. Random Slut Bag is really annoying. She has colourful hair and hippy clothing, but is one of those people who is trying really hard to be alternative to disguise the fact she has no personality, other than annoying. She keeps diverting the conversation (loudly) back to herself, inflicting us with stories about her depression, her (numerous) suicide attempts, her alcoholism, her restrictive Catholic upbringing, her violent fits of rage and her nymphomania. She flounces around room and bats her overly glittery eyes at any one who is male. At one point she makes out with her ex-boyfriend, while her current boyfriend sat at the other end of the room and looked morose. She keeps trying to flirt with and install herself next to PVC, which everyone else is trying really hard to prevent.

At this point, Purple Cats gets into a shit with everyone and pretty much storms off. Just as Purple Cats is leaving, PVC's X's X walks into the room. PVC's X's X sees PVC's X and plonks himself opposite her, so her can make her uncomfortable all night. PVC is livid, as PVC strongly dislikes his X's X, and thinks he should leave immediately. PVC's X assures him that she is ok, and everyone in the room looks on as the awkwardness unfolds. Even Random Slut Bag is momentarily quiet.

Finally, PVC's X's X seems to get the hint that he is not welcome, and after what feels like hours he finally leaves. Everyone is starting to settle down, and there is still a glimmer of hope that good times could potentially be had.

Having drunk about 80 litres of water to compensate for the zillion drinks she has consumed, BillyLou decides to get up and venture downstairs to the toilet, leaving PVC unsupervised on futon.

You can probably see where this is going, but anyway...

When BillyLou returns she finds Random Slut Bag draped all over PVC. They are not kissing or anything, but Slut Bag gives BillyLou the most victorious look of spiteful glee (BillyLou has not been overly polite to Slut Bag during the night) that BillyLou wants to kick her several times in the head. BillyLou resists urge to make giant scene (she is pretty shocked, actually) so she decides to go outside into the fresh air.

BillyLou goes for walk. Cheeky follows after her, and is supportive while BillyLou has small tantrum about how much of a stupid whore Slut Bag is.

When BillyLou returns she finds PVC is looking for her. PVC is apologetic. Is it lovely, and despite Slut Bag's energetic attempts, relationship between PVC and BL comes out stronger. PVC cheers BL up by wearing knitted hat with pom poms and singing to her.

PVC drives his X home (I really quite like his X, so this is ok) and then PVC and BL crash at his place at about 4am.

The End.

Postscript: BL and PVC have beautiful sex several times on New Year's Day. Awesome.