Profanity!

Do I count?
Hahahahahahaha
I love a good cuss word myself. And I don't know about you other agent's, but I didn't realise we were fucking anyone-
"I don't even remember who is fucking who."

Hell No, Motherfuckers

Agent Y! You are damaging my sensitive eyes with your rampant profantiy. Don't you know there are LADIES in here? (Best if you think Little Brittain - 'Laaaadies'!)

I'm just trying to keep an element of class here in IAYB. Cock heads.

Who's who in the zoo

Our little club is so elusive, I don't even remember who is fucking who.

Also, I'm somewhat partial to the odd 'colourful' word, comes from working with tradies all day.
Do those that count mind the occasional cuss word?

Bee they good or bad

Geez, look what I missed!!! Go Agent V!!! I’d like to end the drought also, perhaps I missed my opportunity last night?

Ohh Z. That bee a truly shyte situation in which you are juxtaposed.
To cut a long story short, you’re on a bit of a sticky wicket… how sticky?
Well, we could wax poetic about this topic of what one SHOULD do, but I have in the past noticed that what one SHOULD do and what one DOES frequently do not correlate. So perhaps an observation;

Bad Bee can only be quite rightly named. The only thing we can see about Bad Bee moving himself into the positive column is that he is now disattached himself from bizarro pseudo-relationship (has it occured that this may not be true?).
He does seem to still be an alcoholic, workaholic, megalomaniac with fuckstick attached (but competency to using equipment CANNOT be overlooked.)

Having said this, I am afraid that Nice Bee isn’t the same Good Bee is it? Nice Bee, has a lovely cat and pancake making mother, and knows which way you like your knots tied. But there is also that illness business with which you must contend, which I think is very admirable you should be considering involving yourself.

So far I think Nice Bee is outweighing Bad Bee in good points.

I hate being disappointed. Like everyone, but I think the worst let down to have is when you are cockily expecting something to go REALLY well and it does not. When going down on a guy, I really like to finish the job. Like some sexual accomplishment you can tick off the list, but when the guy just annoyingly refuses to come be it deep inner strenght or whatever, I get dejected and frustrated.

yes yes yes....what you're done already?

And- bummer on the too-excited front. I often recall my encounter with Persian-who-got-offended-when-i-lied-about-my-age when we did it three times and each time lasted all of about 3 minutes before he was done. Yep. Thanks for that buddy. no no, i'm fine....just DANDY! The thing I most recall actully was that I put up with unsatisfying sex three times in an hour. Glutton for punishment.

Irritation

Oh just to clarify, the irritation part is with old boring bee partner. Not with He Who Forgot His Phone. HWFHP encounter left a little to be desired - I'm talking a minor overexcitement - I think the words 'premature ejaculation' are a little harsh in this instance. BUT what I didn't want to say at the time (when he was apologising for 'letting me down') was that I was happy just being all skintouchy against his awesome body etc etc etc. Didn't want to sound too desperate now. I have high hopes for the next encounter, if there is one. Damn well better be or I'll be cutting my losses and running, I reckon. Still, any chance to get up close to that hot body (think of the Policeman Stripper - that's pretty close!) num num ....drool is probably worth my time/dignity........

But I digress. So irritation is an old sigh-able offence, not a new one.

I see your point

Hmm. Dilemma indeed!! I am wavering between saying go with nice bee in hope you can work something out and advising of the lack of excitement being a bit of a sign. Still can't decide sorry so I now see your point. BUT Bad Bee has proven what an arsehole he is once again so I have to say he's not worth your time, despite the mind blowing sex. A good wank is far less taxing than having to deal with a nutcase just to get your rocks off. Frustrating but less destructive methinks.

++ Nice bee has Handcuffs AND pancakes at his disposal.... I reckon you can always attempt to ask the unsexy question, but maybe not right before or after an encounter. I must admit though, when you've gone to the trouble to actually point out what you want done to you, if they didn't take the initiative in the first place its even MORE annoying(think traincrash) to have to endure a hamfisted effort at spontanaeity or feign rough animal desire. So its also worse when you feel mean becuase they're trying!! And we all know how much of a turnoff being irritated is. Well I do anyhow. *sigh*

Gahhh

I maintain Bad Bee is shithead.

Ignore me. Move Along, Move Along, Nothing to See Here.

Poo.

Emailed Bad Bee. Bad Bee in Newcastle so no chance of talking to him in person. He is totally insane. I'm not impressed. Will stick with Nice Bee despite the terrible sex.

Bad Bee vs Nice Bee

There's nothing quite like being rear-ended by someone with no money, insurance, morals or ability to stay sober.
I was just thinking about you this morning actually when that Evanescence song came on the radio "you never call me when you're sober" which I know you highly identify with.
I think you should tell Nice Bee that Bad Bee has come back onto the scene and that you want to see him a bit. Don't tell him you want Bad Bee to fuck you backwards sideways upside down, just tell him that you're still a free agent and that it's not like you promised to be exclusive (did you?).
I also think you should tell Bad Bee to smarten up his attitude becuase you've got options and Nice Bee is treating you properly. Bad Bee needs to work for you, and I think Nice Bee actually helps you a lot in this situation because you don't have to feel like bad Bee is your only option. Even if the sex is terrible with Nice Bee.

Does that all make sense? What does everyone else think?

Help!

Arghhh.

I'm pretty sure all the agents here are familiar with the car accident that is my lovelife but for those of you who need updating, here is the back story:

Ok so for over two years now I've been lusting after this guy who is completely inappropriate but who really spins my wheels. Your classic bad boy. Let's call him Bad Bee.

Now, the major problem with Bad Bee (aside from the fact he's an alcoholic, workaholic, womanising insane person) was that he had this girlfriend with whom he lived and was never going to leave. But that didn't stop him from pursuing me. He would tell me he didn't love her, he didn't like her, he didn't find her attractive, he couldn't talk to her, he didn't find her interesting, he hated her taste in music and he thought she was a bit of a dumb bimbo, and yet he would pay her phone bills, uni bills, rent, etc while she remained convinced that they were going to get married so she could quit working altogether and sponge off him for the rest of her cushy days. Now I didn't lose much sleep over the whole 'him cheating on her' factor, but what really gave me the poos was that he always had to go home to her, I couldn't call him when I wanted and we always had to act like we were doing something wrong. (Which in terms of the sex meant it was always AMAZING). So anyway after two long years off this on again, off again bullshit I had finally had enough and told him to piss off. I listened to The Cure, I cried, I ate noodle sandwiches and I made a concerted effort to Move On. So I did.

Enter: The Nice Guy. Let's call him Nice Bee.

Nice Bee is great. He is considerate, generous, kind, caring. He sent me flowers at work. He gives a great neck rub. His mum likes me and makes me pancakes and smoothies whenever I come over. His cats like me and my cat likes him (and considering my cat is a snooty princess that's saying something). And best of all he's more than happy to tie me up for hours at a time. (Where else will I meet such a lovely guy who also owns real handcuffs??) BUT. I'm just not feeling it. I mean, I like seeing him, I enjoy his company, I particularly enjoy the handcuffs, but on an emotional level - not doing it for me. And even though the BDSM is fantastic, the sex itself is terrible. And by terrible I mean it lasts maybe three minutes or it doesn't happen at all. (You know when you just want them to Stick It In You for crying out loud?? There is no sexy way to request that someone bend you over and have their way with you - they're supposed to take the initiative on that.) And he's a bad kisser. Think, lovey dovey, smoochy smoochy. About as interesting as brushing my teeth. Sigh.

So anyway, I'd decided to overlook the lack of passion with Nice Bee, hoping that it would sort of just happen somewhere down the track. And, I was actually sort of happy. We could talk all night, we could sleep next to each other. It was all feeling ok. Peaceful, you know?

AND THEN.

(Can you see what's coming?)

Phone call. Bad Bee. Bad Bee is drunk. Bad Bee is drunk and SINGLE. Bad Bee is drunk and single and not living with his girlfriend. Bad Bee wants me to know that he loves me, he wants to put his (generously proportioned) cock inside me, he wants to marry me and he wants to have kids with me. (I'm serious! He asked me what we would call our kids! To which I replied: "Football Head 1 and Football Head 2"). I tell Bad Bee that I'd like to see him in daylight and sober to discuss this. Bad Bee mumbles incoherently for a while and then we sort of agree to meet up possibly today.

Second phone call. Nice Bee. Nice Bee and I chatter mindlessly for a while, like we always do. Nice Bee asks me if something is wrong. I mumble something about feeling tired. Nice Bee, ever the gentleman, tells me to get some sleep and that he'll call me the next day.

Third phone call. I call my sister for advice. Sister can only tell me that she's playing The Sims in her underpants and that she doesn't have any advice but that she'd like to know what happens. Sister is amused by my romantic antics. I would be too if it wasn't me.

Anyway. Gaaaah. What do I do? Help me, Agents! I told a lady at my work and she told me to just see both of them. Which I'm actually considering. The only problem is the whole 'guilt' factor. Cos I tend to get strangely guilty about these things.

Ra ra ra. I'm at work and everyone thinks I'm in early to work but in reality I'm blogging, lol.

Do tell do tell

That's fantastic!! Now we need details. Was this after Coffee with He-Who-Forgot-His-Phone?

Shameless excitement sharing

I tried to write something good here but the problem is I don't actually have anything particularly exciting to say. I just got laid for the first time in AGES and wanted to share! (You know how it is in a drought - sometimes you begin to worry it may NEVER RAIN AGAIN)

So. Wooooooooo!
Over and out!

small letter on post titles

I do this all the time!! : ( Wah.
But my addition is
~no talking about work unless you've had a sexy encounter, or you think the banking courier is hitting on you surreptiously. Basically no ranting about how boring our jobs are (we all know already-and others of us have other blogs to rant on)

Listen to the rules and noone gets hurt

Hello Bee-Eaters.

I see Z has asked about 'rules'... now I am opposed to the idea of rules, but anarchy is all fun and games until someone loses an eye so lets call them 'guidelines' and choose to follow them or not.

- This is a pet-peeve of mine, for post titles please start with a Capital letter or I will kill you!
- The idea is to not divulge our true identities, hense the author names, so refrain from using ANY name parhaps a cute euphemism or nicknames if refurring to others.
- No topic shall be taboo, we are grown ups, so lets use big words to flex the grey matter.

Anything else?

Agreement, Etc

Newbeee. Ha. That's as far as the puns go I'm sorry. I'll have to skip straight to buns. He. Didn't say anything about poor use of other literary devices though did I! Haw haw.

But to the Point. I personally think our friend el stripperio is looking with well-concealed amusement at the way centre strip dude suddenly doesn't fit his jeans post show, sans sock-down-pant-itude. Seriously a balled up pair (oh it seems I lied about the puns.... so shoot me!) of knee highs would have certainly held up those jeans to the required height. OR maybe it's a look of disdain at said lack of socks and the subsequnt lack of professionalism that it implies.

To the second point. Hello beemunchers! Not much to report on at the second except a fair excitement at potential second date with nightclub guy, who is thankfully far better looking than he was in my memory, and exceptionally well built. Woo! Stay tuned - I intend to explore the issue further! Any beekeeping rules I need to stick to? Anything too banal, too staid? Lemme have it before I go killing the blog with boring detail otherwise left to a quadruple repeat after too many drinks!!!!

clinical Gstrings

ooh I love the new graphic in the corner!!

hilariously it wasn't until I got to the bit about "writing a book" that I realised that it was Agent Z posting, not Y!!! LOL. You'd think the genital piercing would give it away but no......
I'm totally hearing you on the gentle admonishment from the sex workers at the clinic about unprotected sex. And they gave me chocolate condoms when I went that one time. I SO disagree on the non-seediness. It was seedy central. I expected to see a drugged out pregnant teen in the stairwell! At least if we're talking about the Parra one.

And i reckon the stripper is looking at the other guys jeans and thinking "Is it so hard to do up your pants properly. really. You've done it every day of your life and even button flies are not that time consuming". Or maybe "what are those jeans resting on? The G is on his hips? What, does he have a hard on? Am I really that hot? Oh no wait it's her boobs"

The Sexual Health Clinic is My Friend

Ok so unrelated to everything else but I've been itching (no pun intended) to write this one since word go. So.

There are many reasons why the Sexual Health clinic is my friend:

1. Compared to the sex workers and other assorted degenerates that frequent the clinic my sexual history appears positively chaste.

2. Where else would your doctor have more piercings than you?

3. Where else would your doctor not only tolerate your genital piercing, but compliment you on it?

4. Doctor at clinic finds lime green and purple spotted underpants amusing.

5. It is free and if your vagina has issues they give you free medicine.

6. It has been recently upgraded so is now with added 'non-seedyness'.

I like the Sexual Health clinic for all these reasons and more. But I think what really stole my heart was the following conversation I had last time I was there:

(Doctor has just finished good-naturedly admonishing me on a few (infrequent) occasions where the adequate protection may not have been used.)

Doctor: So what do you do?

Me: I have a boring office job.

Doctor: Do you enjoy it?

Me: Hell no.

Doctor: So what do you want to do?

Me: I'm doing it. I'm writing a book in my spare time.

Doctor: Is it about someone who has unprotected sex?

Me: Actually, it is!

Doctor is amused. Gives me free condoms and sends me on my way.

Like in the magazines

If BeesAgents would care to avert thier eyes upward they shall notice, a random photo taken at the strip show we partook in.

You may not be able to see properly, so I indicated this like they would in the magazines, but the guy on the left is looking sneakily out the corner of his eyes totally checking the other stripper!

More power to him! Maybe he 'forgot the steps.'

Anyway greetings to Agent Z! Now we have a full ships compliment on board, I'm sure we can make our way through to the proper smut lol (no really.)

Go Agent X, getting down on it in the new place. Don't want to see any sneaking about post ceremony!

Hello Agent Z

Just a heads up that the idea is that comments are for visitors, and then we reply to each other via new posts : )
And don't steal my colour fucker.
Hahahah. j/k, not sure are we having different colours?
Agent Y?

Piercings

I will bow down to Agent Z on this issue probably as she's more experienced that I in the land of the piercing. But I'd be freaked out. And if my bf was pierced there or considering having it done I'd be worried about hown often he'd be "out of action". I mean periods are bad enough for making the deed impossible without having issues for the both of you. Oh god, and if you were both "decorated" what if you were both infected!

regarding foreskin, I don't have a problem with it really....skin is skin. It's really more of a cleanliness issue I think. If they're circumcised and still gross well then they need better hygiene!!!

Mirror mirror on the wall, who's the wettest of them all

I can't wait until we can start having sex again. Seriously. is that stating the obvious?
I especially can't wait to have sex in the new house as we have this crazy ass huge mirrored wardrobe that I can tell you is gonna be freakin awesome. I'm excited already.

In Da House

Hehehe

He's peirced, down there

It's your average run of the mill, girl goes to pub, girl enjoys adult libations, girl meets boy, boy is peirced, girl comments on mulitple peircing and tattooing, nice boy eleborates on extent of peircing

Here's me thinking I wouldn't have anything sensationalist to post about!

T'was an evening of no real interest, pub, music, drink - chatting to this boy all inked and perforated.
He showed me all his tats, metal band names, family members, flag and southern cross (you get the idea) then catalogued peircings, three in eyebrows, two ear, tongue and foreskin.

That seems a bit much, I don't even like foreskin. I think men should have evolved past it by now. I mean, our is all tucked in and clean why can't thier's be all neat and stuff...
I only grabbed his number, I didn't take him home or anything but I find the whole thing somewhat intimidating (and intrigueing I will admit) but lets face it I'm probably too lazy to actually call him.