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Say What? + Meeting Men *gasp*

I think this little post of mine will have to be a little double edged (and perhaps a smidgen long winded.)

First:
Say What?

Are you potentially snogging slash shagging British Bee!!! I think I missed some vitally important and enlightening conversation, detailing British Bee came barreling down the international passenger terminal at Heathrow with a bunch of flowers and pralines declaring his undying passion for you that he only discovered when dating your spindly counterpart?

Next:
Meeting Men *gasp*

With the New Year poking its rainy head around the corner, my brain harkens to the thought of New Years Resolutions (NYR) of yore.
I don’t make NYR simply b because I am shit at keeping them. But this year I have some, goals, aspirations if you will.
One; moving into my healthy weight range for my BMI. Fuck, this means I have to lose a staggering 20 KILOS!! I didn’t think I was that fat!!
Two; leave my sad pitiful arse job, even if it is to become a coffee bean slinger or chirpy retail assistant!
Three; meet men. Meet men to date, meet men to drink coffee with, meet men to shag.
*YALP* of course I want to avoid the disgusting pub circuit, I just can’t stand it. HUFF.

Sorry Bees, just as a side note. After seeing the ad on Fug for a bit now, I decided to have a peep at that Pink Peta ad. OH DEAR GOD. After I caught sight of the maggot in the sheep, my tum had enough.
Now it truly is disgusting what some suppliers seem to be doing, but is a website like Fug who deplores all forms of polyester incarnations a fair medium for a Peta ad of its nature?

what to do what to do

I say go for it. You only live once!
I will admit however that it is easy to give such advice when one is in a secure relationship already and halfway across the world to boot.
I think if Next Room Bee is showing signs he is willing you should make a goer of it. Think of the fun "when I was living in London" stories you'll have! Drunken middle of the night pashing (sorry, Snogging) on the living room floor when someone comes in and your bra is on the couch stories!!!
And as for friend who stole him initially's feelings? She didn't consider you then, so I don't think she deserves consideration now.
And that's my two cents.

the plot thickens

Well it seems my receptors are a little more active these days, though after an entire week of effort (his) I have to admit it was getting obvious that Hee was interested in me the same way ...yes.....that way....as I was interested in him for all this time! so yay! but what to do about it?!

My boring suggestion

Hi girls,

Ok, I know this isn't a very exciting suggestion. But I have finally finished cleaning up the apartment at Hornsbee! It looks really nice now... a little bare but once I get my Japanese style table and put my painting up (yet to be painted) it will be looking very homely. If you're interested maybe we could do dinner in Hornsbee and piss up at my place?

Or too boring?

I have way too much to post now so I HAVE to see you guys! (None of it particularly fantastic news but interesting nonetheless).

cock ups

Regarding comment posting balls up, for those of you unawares, that was me. I posted to my friends blog with the wrong blogger name so instead of posting under my normal blog name, I posted under Agent X, which yes, was a bit of a cock up as he would know it was me. I then had to send him an email requesting he not read the blog attached to the account name. Which of course only excited his curiosity more.Bah.

Regarding the Bee-i-faction, I am open, which general area are we headed toward? the boy is having a poker night : )

I wore my Smart Balls all day at work yesterday. Then went home and had very hot sex with the boy. Ooh baby.

Also, Agent Z (?) has broken up with Nice Bee if she'd like to share......?

----hahahaha small addendum here that I was writing this post at work on Friday and my boss walked out and I had to click draft really fast so I didn't lose the whole post!!---

Things are about to get messy!

Excited to hear about HornsBee! Can’t wait to see some photos then!
OK Here’s the amusing story…and anyone who has recently perused the drafts folder may have seen this coming…!I’m going to post in 2 bits so it makes more sense.

Catchup from before…. Since my last post I have been wanting to do a kind of recap about the whole No Lovin thing – I managed to get laid once in the past 6 months and whilst I was excited at the time, and kept telling myself (and anyone else who would listen) that he was soooo hot and boy oh boy was it fun. Like I have said before, premature ejaculation is NOT COOL! I feel bad for a BeeBoy that may have this as a particular problem, nasal spray technology, blah blah blah, but in this case I have begun to suspect it was less of a case of anything physiological, and more of a poor excuse for a wham bam thankyou mam sort of effort. There was a bit of an attempt at finishing me off, but it was ineffectual (largely due to a lack of enthusiasm!) so I faked it because I was getting bored so he’d finish up. Not too much of a problem at the time, in a, well there’s always next time, wait and see sort of way, but when they don’t return your calls later, it’s a bit of a yeah, just because you’re extremely hot, that’s no excuse to be pathetic in the sack! (and have a small penis….)

Another rant I have been trying to get out is that I think there must be some kind of chemical in your brain that is linked to how much sex you are getting and how much you think about it. I have developed this theory from when I realized that I wasn’t getting any, and yet somehow that was all I seemed to think about! ALL DAY! Having trouble concentrating on everyday tasks just because I kept thinking about sex sex sex. For a short while there (and I’m not entirely convinced yet that this theory is disproven!) I thought my own brain had been removed and replaced with that of an 18 year old boy. Or at least sex drive.

I returned to the kingdom of Far Far Away still out of my mind through lack of lovin’. He Sleeps In The Room Next Door Bee returns to the scene and we slip back into the old days, exactly the same as if he’d never kissed then gone out with my best friend then broken her heart-sort of-but she is being a bit dramatic-they were only together a few weeks-but and he found out I’ve been infatuated with him this whole time-and he knows now-and I was all upset over that-and now I’m over it and back to normal.

All thought I was over him hey!.....I was! Until I actually saw him again and realized I was only deluding myself.. d'oh

Pre Chrissy Pre New Year Beeifacation

Since our exclusivity is fairly complete (aside from comment posting balls-up lol) I thought we could maybe open a small forum for our outting on the 22nd.

So essentially I suppose the idea is to go out (after work for some) and get shit faced?
I mean, Trashbag City Central heading westbound.

Next question of course, is WHAT TO DO? Well essentially I don't care, none of us are going to suggest something we'd loathe.


Hmm STILL NO LOVING. Not really that distressed at this point, in all honesty theres too much grooming involoved for my liking (hahaha thinly veiled excuse)
Sir Freaksalot has for the most part slacked off, I was at a party when he called begging me to meet him at the Three Monkeys, I was too shit faced and in Winston Hills to even think about it so said no, then got accused of being a closed or secretive or something.
HUFF.

PS: Agent Z, as a devotee of ludicrously inappropriate snogging I feel your pain.
The thought of having to encounter this indicidual again is enough to make your head fuzzy to let alone KNOWING YOU WILL. ARGH.

Hmmm

Very sorry to hear about Pix there :( hope you are doing ok!

Was going to post and now feel inappropriate, so score one agent x......

bye for now

Sending our love

Sending our love to our beloved Bee who lost Pixi this morning, she may have been run over by a car it may seem.
Hope you're ok sweetie
*big hugs*
xxx

I've lost my mind, obviously

Just an update on the whole office Christmas party fat IT dude snogging business:

Well he sent me an email on Monday (damn that internal directory) apologising for upsetting me on Friday night. As I've discussed with the Agents, you've gotta love the apology email which is basically just another excuse to talk to someone. But hey, guess something had to be said, and it provided a welcome distraction from work, so ok.

Anyway, he invited me to his birthday party on Friday night, which I couldn't go to cos I already told Nice Bee I'd see him on Friday. What's weird is that Fat IT Bee's birthday is one day after Bad Bee's birthday (Bad Bee: 7th December, Fat IT Bee: 8th December). Which, if you're a lame astrology freak like me, explains EVERYTHING!

Sagittarius!!!

Sagittarius + Taurus (+ alcohol) = CRAZYTOWN.

Now it all makes sense.

And I sort of agreed to have lunch with him tomorrow. Which as my sister unkindly pointed out might consist of an entire cow.

I think I need a hobby, other than dysfunctional men. Ideas, anyone?

Office Christmas Party

It's one thing to make polite conversation with Fatty and Spotty from the IT department at the Christmas party.

It's another thing to drunkenly kiss Fatty with Spotty looking on.

Oh, God.

OH GOD OH GOD OH GOD OH GOD

I have to show up there tomorrow.

Like, ok, the thing was, I was really really pissed. So pissed I was dancing to Kylie Minogue. And the whole night I'd had this affinity with Fatty (the new 23 year old software programming guy who just so happens to be disturbingly overweight) due to my newly dyed red hair, cos the dickhead boss had told fatty he couldn't dye his hair either, and he was all "you're my hero" and I was all "yeah man" and we were talking about bands we liked and it was all "me too" even if I don't own a single album from the bands he was talking about, and hey yeah maybe I was being a bit flirty, but like I said I was pissed and when I'm pissed I get flirty and this is where things always seem to go downhill for me. You'd think I'd learn.

Sooo, I get back from dancing to Kylie Minogue and I'm talking to Fatty again and I start moaning on about Nice Bee to him (God knows why- I think he asked me if I had a boyfriend) and I'm all "hey I don't know what to do cos Nice Bee is nice but I'm just not that into him and if I break up with him even though in my book we're not even going out I know he'd be really cut up and then he'd be dumped and with a horrible incurable illness and who wants to do that to someone" and then I think I repeated the "I don't know what to do" bit again because then Fatty said "kiss me" and when someone says that to me and they're an inch away from my face and I've had six champagnes well they could be gollum and I'd be in there with the tongue action what can I say. Fortunately it only lasted maybe a minute (actually... it WAS kinda hot) when Megan jumped to my rescue and pulled me away saying "Lou needs to go to the bathroom now" and I got to the bathroom and realised the magnitude of my mistake and was all "Oh GOD everyone in the entire company is going to know and what's more most people know I sort of have a boyfriend and Oh God I'm such a slag and OH GOD that guy is like REALLY FAT not that there's anything wrong with that or anything but you know" and I had to sneak out without saying goodbye to anyone cos I was too embarrassed.

And I'm totally going to hell cos Nice Bee gave me a lift home all the way from the city and looked after me cos by that stage I was feeling rather ill.

My only consolation is that Bad Bee will definitely be going to hell too so at least we can keep each other company while being tortured with brimstone and pitchforks.

Details!

Talk about a tease! You post about your middle of the night sexy sexness and then go on a tangent about horrible warts - *shudder*. That poor girl. If that happened to me I'd kill myself.

I haven't been 100% truthful about the complete lack of action in my life. Last Friday I went to see Nice Bee, and once we got past the bad kissing things were all right. (I've given up trying to kiss him back. He just overrides my attempts to make the kissing good so now I just stand there with what must look like a distracted grimace on my face quite literally doing nothing while he kisses me... hot! Not.) I'm not sure how many details people want on the whole kinkiness business... so I'll assume not many... but anyway he combined the sex with the kininess to make it halfway decent sex. (As in, lasted approx five minutes - a four minute improvement, and I didn't have to ask him to have sex with me - he took the initiative this time. Thank Christ).

So, pro: Five minutes worth of kinky sex.

Con: His phone rang right at the crucial moment which was really distracting and annoying, and what's worse he was getting me off the next day and the same thing happened again right at the crucial moment.

Bah.

But, can't complain.

(But is this blog really about political correctness? Or is it our blog and I can whinge if I want to?)

Well, maybe I'll unleash a tirade of whinging next post. Right now I'd better get back to work.

middle of the night lovin' and

Well as we're all apparently living vicariously through me, we had awesome middle of the night lovin' last night. While I won't always give you a next day update on our sex life, I wanted to mention this occassion for its general infrequency. Whee!
Now tell me about you!

Agent (i can't remember- Nice Bee Agent) remember how we talked about the balls with the jiggly bits inside? That are for strenthening pelvic floor muscles? What did Nice Bee call them again? There was a name you used? (I usually call mine the jiggly blue balls).

I actually had quite a funny conversation at a party last weekend with some friends about sex toys and one of the girls has a name for her vibrator! She calls it 'sergio' ("Serge-sounds like a detergent") and this girl is in a committed relationship. Interestingly she also confessed to me that she has Genital warts and her boyfriend can't touch her down there at all! The sad part is that it's not simply a moratorium on licking etc, but also on fingers!! And she's had it the whole time they've been together (over a year) so he's never been allowed to get her off with her clit! He must be damn good at sex for them to still be together I reckon (in the satisfaction department). But he is a lovely guy really and very accepting of her warts. It sounded awful though as she said at most she's had about 16 at a time, and at least 4-5. At least she can get rid of it though, its not one where once you have it you're stuck with it. It's just taking a really long time to get rid of.